When I was 16, I worked in a place with this bloke I was seeing, well we weren’t even seeing each other really, he worked there i worked there and we had a bit of fun, just kissing etc.(he was 24)
One day I went to see him in a room where he was staying at the place of work as he lived there we kissed etc on the bed and it went a bit further, touching etc . This was all my first time doing this kind of thing. Then he turned rough and grabbed a condom, I said no I wasn’t doing that. He grabbed me up against the wall and tried to put himself inside me. I pushed him off and ran out of the room.
I have never told anyone what happened and I am older now and married, with children but how come it has affected me so badly? I wasn’t raped! nothing happened really did it, yet i cant get it out of my head, like when my husband makes love to me, sometimes I just cant, other times I can but I think of this incident then other times im fine. why?
What happened to you was akin to sexual assault. Having a kiss and a cuddle is not an invitation for full on sex. Of course the psychological scars can never heal, but you have to think positive about this. You didn't let anything happen by making the right decision, and next time it comes to mind take a deep breath and think how lucky you are to have someone loving as your husband which should help you to relax.
It maybe an idea to speak to your husband as he may already have a feeling that something is up.
If you feel you need to speak to to a trained counsellor please contact the organisation below.
www.carelineuk.org
020 8514 1177
The most important thing is to remember its not your fault.
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