Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: A Mums Job Description

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Down South!
    Posts
    10,709
    Thanked: 166

    A Mums Job Description

    POSITION:
    Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Ma

    JOB DESCRIPTION:
    Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

    RESPONSIBILITIES:
    The rest of your life: Must be willing to be disliked, at least temporarily, until someone needs money. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zips. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

    POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
    Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

    PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
    None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

    WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
    Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

    BENEFITS:
    While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    buckingham
    Posts
    3,906
    Thanked: 3
    thats hit the nail right on the head debs!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    1,363
    Thanked: 0
    where do I sign up? would love that role (again! )

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    8,613
    Thanked: 179
    pfft, no chance! Not in the near future at least.... maybe 10 years or something!!!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    1,363
    Thanked: 0
    Quote Originally Posted by Abi
    pfft, no chance! Not in the near future at least.... maybe 10 years or something!!!!!
    Ah yes but that is because you are only 15! so it shouldnt be appealing to you LOL

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    8,613
    Thanked: 179
    very true!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Grossmaischeid, Germany
    Posts
    14,583
    Thanked: 2007
    Quote Originally Posted by RealityGap
    where do I sign up? would love that role (again! )
    are you mad???
    Super Mod

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    8,613
    Thanked: 179
    thats what i was thinking! Must be!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    From London to Faversham
    Posts
    4,681
    Thanked: 0
    Quote Originally Posted by RealityGap
    where do I sign up? would love that role (again! )
    How many children do you have

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    A very busy place?!
    Posts
    10,727
    Thanked: 65
    She has 2 children..

    I don't fancy that job description!!..

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •