How You Remind Me

[*kalfie*moon*]

this is so good! plz do more!!

[Kim]

Fantastic. Please do more asap.

[Chloe-Elise]

Great please do more soon

[hayley]

This is great! i love nana! shes very scheming though!! more asap!

[crazy_purple]

Kat went to the Moons' house at two o'clock, just as Nana had asked. She felt a bit uncomfortable about it - who wouldn't? - but kind of excited in an uneasy way. She knocked on the door and a few moments later Nana Moon opened it.

"Hello, Kat," she said, smiling. "Will you make me some tea, darling? Alfie always puts too much sugar in."

"Alfie's here?" Kat paused on the doorstep.

"Oh, no," Nana said. She looked innocent, but something in her eyes gave her a mischevious look. "He's on the stall, he won't be back for ages."

"Um... okay," Kat said uneasily. She followed Nana into the kitchen and put the kettle on. It felt kind of unsettling to be back here again, when a few weeks ago Alfie had been making cooked breakfast for her and she had wandered in wearing only the top half of his pajamas, and smiling in a sultry way. She shook herself mentally. Get a grip.

"One sugar?" she asked. Nana nodded.

"Alfie's a good lad, but he's terrible at making tea right," Nana remarked. Kat smiled vacantly - it was kind of painful to talk about him - and sat down at the table.

"How are you feeling then?" she asked.

"Oh, don't worry about me," Nana said cheerily.

Kat didn't like the sound of that. "Are you alright?"

"Right as rain, darling," Nana replied, but once again Kat thought she saw that impish sparkle in the old lady's eyes. She had never really got used to Alfie's grandma - she looked sweet and harmless, but she wasn't a fool. Nana always knew what she was doing, and sometimes she knew more than she seemed to. Kat understood why the Moons were so caring of their grandma, and she felt she loved her like she did her own nan.

"Kat," Nana said suddenly, breaking in on Kat's musings, "Have you spoken to Alfie lately?"

"Um... not really," Kat said. "We're not..."

She wanted to say that she and Alfie were keeping their distance, but it felt like a stupid thing to say.

"Well, I think you should," Nana said. She smiled at Kat. "You two ought to make friends again, darling. Alfie's been ever so sad without you to talk to - he's been moping around the house with a right face on."

Kat stirred uncomfortably in her chair. "I..."

"I keep telling him, if the wind changes it'll stay like that, but will he listen? No." Nana Moon trailed off, still looking perfectly innocent.

"I'm sorry," Kat whispered. She was on the verge of tears. "I've been sad too Nana."

"He misses you, I think," Nana said, watching Kat with a gentle expression on her face.

"I know. I miss him too." Kat was suddenly pouring it all out, all her grief over losing Alfie. Losing everything they ever had. Losing their future. "It's not fair, I want him more than anything but -"

Suddenly she heard the front door open and froze in mid-sentence. "It's only me!" Alfie called.

Kat jumped up hurriedly and scrambled for the back door, but Alfie entered the kitchen before she could escape. He stopped and looked from her to his nana guardedly.

"What..." he trailed off, and tapped his keys on the side of the fridge, flummoxed. "Why are you here?"

"I was just..." she looked to Nana for support. The old lady was sitting at the table with her arms folded, looking at both of them.

"I asked Kat round, Alfie," Nana said eventually. "I fancied a chat."

"Oh," Alfie said uneasily. "Well, I'll go -"

"No, you only just got here. I think you and Kat could do with a chat anyhow."

Kat and Alfie stared at each other uncertainly. When their eyes met, it felt as though there was a spark of electricity in the air. Same old, Kat thought half-angrily. Don't you dare fall for him again, you're up to your neck in it as it is. Remember what's-her-face. Mo.

Kat suddenly dashed out, trying to get to the front door to escape. She couldn't take any more of this - this rubbish. It hurt too damn much.

But Alfie followed her. "Kat, wait -"

"What?" she exclaimed, one hand on the doorknob. "What do you want from me, Alfie? There's nothing left to say!"

"There's plenty left to say!" Alfie said loudly. Too loud. He mustn't shout at her.

"What?!" she exploded. She moved away from the door in her anger. She hadn't even known it was there, all this fury... buried inside... Anger at him. Everything he'd done, every new way he'd found to hurt her. Even when they had been renewing their wedding vows on the kitchen table, as she had so eloquently put it, she had been pretty damn cheesed off at him. That was probably why he had been left with some rather nasty scratches on his back. Anger and lust, anger and lust... weren't they the things that governed her life?

"Well..." he fell silent, searching for the right words. If there were any.

"I'm waiting!" she shouted. "Anything more you want to tell me? Any more dirty little secrets? Because we might as well get them out in the open now, Alfie, we've nothing left to lose!"

"I bloody love you!" he shouted back. "Isn't that enough?!"

"No! No it isn't!"

"It should be!" he shouted. His voice broke in the middle of the sentence - what, was he thirteen again? - and that just served to p**s him off even more.

Kat threw her hands up in exasperation. She wanted to leave, nothing was physically stopping her, so why couldn't she? She stomped into the living room.

He followed her resignedly. "Kat, why do we always have to do this? Why can't we just be friends again?"

"I can't, Alfie," she said in a low voice. The fight was gone out of her now. "I just can't, alright?"

"Why not? What are you scared of?"

"Us," she said quietly. "Us and everything that goes wrong around us."

He was shocked into silence by such a straightforward answer.

"It always goes wrong," she said. She was crying. "It always gets *******ed up."

Alfie looked affronted by her language but said nothing still.

She looked up at him. "You never tell me the truth. Why won't you?"

"What?" he said, caught off guard.

"Tell me the truth," she said, tears coursing down her cheeks. "That's all I wanted, that's all you had to do..." she sat down on the sofa heavily, crying.

He lapsed into silence again, staring at her.

"Say something!" she exclaimed, getting worked up again. "Damn you, won't you say something!!!"

"She's dying," Alfie broke out suddenly.

[*kalfie*moon*]

please do more!

[crazy_purple]

Kat stopped. "What?"

"My nana. She's dying." Alfie said flatly.

Kat stared at him, open-mouthed. "Oh God, I'm sorry -"

"It's alright," Alfie said, looking off into the distance. His eyes were blurring up. This was the first time he'd told anyone. "She's making a list of things she wants to do before she - before -" He breathed in thickly.

Kat saw he wanted to cry. Her heart went out to him and she forgot everything; she only knew that he was her husband and he was in pain. She jumped up automatically and went to him, wrapping her arms around him without thought.

He sniffled in her ear. "She's gonna die and there'll be nobody left-"

She made him sat down on the sofa with her and hugged him to her closely, her hand stroking the back of his neck like she would with a child. He mumbled something more, trying to justify himself, but she didn't listen.

"It's alright," she whispered. "You can cry if you want."

She touched the back of his head, feeling the softness of his springy black hair beneath her fingers, and let him cry quietly - pretending he wasn't, the idiot - into her shoulder and neck. She realised how good it felt to be near him again. It gave her that odd squirmy feeling in her stomach, not a bad feeling, but a strange, secret one. She breathed in his aroma, a warm, clean-clothes smell that she had loved, and would love, all her life.

Somehow she knew he wasn't just crying for his grandma. He was crying for her, Kat, too. It occured to her that she was in the arms of a man who loved her and would gladly give his life for her.

"Alfie," she said, savouring the word. She remembered how she had loved it whenever he said her name (in certain circumstances...) and remembered thinking that never had there been a better sound in the world than that one syllable, spoken by him. She wondered if he felt the same. The word 'Alfie' meant so much: it meant stupid shirts that you'd see coming a mile off; it meant that lovely soft black hair and soulful brown eyes that'd melt your heart if you let them; it meant random presents for no reason, like the time she'd found a dozen roses addressed to her on no special occasion; it meant watching soppy films on the telly and snogging each other's faces off afterwards. Alfie.

You can't do this, a tiny voice in the back of her mind supplied. You can't, think of Mo, think of-

Who? she thought sleepily.

Your sister, the voice wailed, but was unheard.

She felt his breathing slow down and he wasn't crying anymore, but he wasn't moving out of the hug either. Aha...

"It'll be alright," she said gently. "I promise."

Alfie straightened up. Her arms were still around his neck. "Yeah," he said, sniffing.

She gazed into his eyes for a moment and then remembered herself. She pulled away from him and moved away. But oh God she had wanted to kiss him just then. Right then - when he had looked so lost and alone and vulnerable and emotional and everything, she would have liked nothing better than to simply kiss him, once, on the lips. Just a kiss. Was it too much to ask?

The answer was yes, of course. Yes, it was. Because one little kiss would lead to one huge kiss, and then tables would probably get involved. She sighed inwardly. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.

"I'd better be going," she said quickly. "I - um... yeah."

She fled. From him. Running from her husband. Bah.

[squillyfer]

more this is great

[crazy_purple]

Kat went to bed that night in a funny mood. she was strangely content, but wasn't sure why. It felt like everything was alright with the world. But it wasn't. So why did she think... Oh, forget it. She got into bed and yawned, curling up. Tonight she didn't have to gaze at photos of Alfie before she could be calm. She gave a happy sigh and shut her eyes. The only thing that could make it better was if he was actually there beside her, his arm sneaking around her and maybe even feeling her up drowsily. She grinned in the dark. She missed him... but for now, memories would do.

At the Moons' house, Alfie was drifting off to sleep. It had been a long, surprising day, but now it was over and he could sleep. He thought of Kat. How it had felt, being close to her. He loved her to bits. Thoughts came and went in his mind like the tide of the sea. The one that kept recurring was Kat. Kat. Kat. He wanted her back. It was maddening. They both wanted each other like hell, why couldn't they be together? Of course. He knew. Her sister. He rolled over and frowned at the ceiling. He was starting to curse the day he had ever looked at Mo like that. He was such an idiot. He didn't love Mo. Why should he? Kat was the one for him. It all felt so ridiculous now - how on earth could he have ever wanted Mo over Kat? Had he been drunk?

Yes. It was maddening. He thought about how she had been breathing hard when she had hugged him to her, and how that had made her chest move up and down in such an interesting way... He groaned, tormented, and rolled back over again. Damn it. And he couldn't even look at a table now without thinking about that. He thought about Kat as he closed his eyes, and it calmed him a little. Kept his mind off the other stuff. The bad stuff. Trouble was, it put his mind onto different stuff, stuff that he shouldn't really be thinking about. Well, Kat wouldn't mind, he thought, and grinned sleepily. She'd probably be flattered, actually. Hmm... alright then. Stuff it. Stuff stuff, as he had said to Kat in a time somewhere far away. Before.

Outside in the pale midnight sky, clouds drifted past the moon in a neverending dance of fools.

[crazy_purple]

On Sunday, Alfie was having a (well-deserved, he thought) lie in, when someone knocked at the door. He sighed.

"What sort of idiot knocks on your door at nine a.m. on a Sunday?" he mused grumpily on his way to the door. He opened it.

"Alfie," Kat said. "How's Nana?"

"Alright," he replied, taken aback. "I didn't expect-"

"I brought some stuff round," Kat said determinedly, brandishing a bunch of flowers.

"Oh, no, she doesn't want-"

He met Kat's eyes and gave in. "I'll put them in some water."

She followed him into the kitchen. "And how are you?"

"Fine," he said uneasily. He didn't really want reminding that he had spent yesterday crying on her shoulder like a baby.

She smiled gently at him. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"How do you you do that?"

"What?"

"Read my mind."

She grinned. "I've had lots of practice."

He glanced at the floor. Awkward moments, don't you just hate them. And he was pondering over if she'd really want to know that he had spent yesterday night doing something he shouldn't have been doing while thinking about someone he shouldn't have been thinking about, when she said something that made him jump.

"Do you know, I slept really well last night," Kat said.

"Er...good?"

"Yeah. I wasn't worrying about anything. And I was thinking about you." she looked at him quickly, as though wondering if this was taking it too far. It probably was, but who cares?

"Me too," said Alfie quickly. Too quickly. Oh dear. And he was turning pink, he just knew it. I thought it was only girls that blushed, he thought, annoyed.

A smile played at the corners of her mouth. "Oh."

Great. Now she knew and he knew and he might as well paint it across his forehead that he wanted to sleep with her. Oh well. She already knew that. Nothing new. He frowned in embarrassment.

She was looking at him. Had she said something? He panicked.

"Um..."

"I said, we probably shouldn't be having this conversation."

"No," Alfie agreed.

They looked at each other for a minute. Alfie remembered suddenly that he was stood very close to the table. He glanced at it involuntarily. Kat noticed and there followed another awkward moment. Alfie was getting fed up of those. He broke the silence.

"You know, we must be the only people who can't bring themselves to look at kitchen tables."

Kat grinned despite herself. "Yeah."