How You Remind Me

[crazy_purple]

I felt kind of stupid starting yet another script, but I couldn't help it It's about Kat and Alfie and the current storyline. Please reply (No, I don't know how you can be in a "grey mood" either but I liked the sound of it )

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Alfie entered the living room, drowning in a sea of his thoughts, and saw Nana sitting on the sofa watching TV. She turned towards him.

"You know, Alfie, there never seems to be anything good on telly these days," she said thoughtfully. Alfie smiled waveringly, and sat down next to her.

"No, there isn't," he agreed. He sighed. Ever since the appointment at the hospital, he had been in a mournful, grey mood. His mind kept fluttering back to the doctor's damning words - the person who he had known since birth was going to die and there was stuff all they could do about it. But the million-dollar question was: when should he tell her? Over dinner, he thought sarcastically. It wasn't fair. He had no-one left. Kat had left him, Spencer was God-knows-where, his parents were dead, and now his grandma was dying.

Nana looked thoughtful. She glanced at him meaningfully. "Alfie..."

"Yeah?"

"They said something to you at the hospital, didn't they? Something bad? I can tell."

Alfie looked at her, horrified. "No, no, I don't -"

"Alfie," Nana said sternly, "If something's happening to me then I'd think I have a right to know, wouldn't you?"

Alfie swallowed. His mouth felt dry. "I - I can't."

"Am I going to die, Alfie?" Nana asked matter-of-factly.

Alfie stared at her. She didn't look worried or upset; just curious.

"Um... they said..." he moved to face her. It was true, she did have a right to know.

So he told her, gently.

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more soon I promise, just got to go

[Charmed]

Poor Nana!

[crazy_purple]

Nana took the news calmly. She looked at Alfie.

"Darling, why didn't you tell me? I would have liked to know."

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I just didn't want to upset you..."

"I'm fine, darling," Nana said. "Everyone's got to go sometime, haven't they?" She smiled wanly. "I never thought I was going to be here forever, sweetheart."

"I did," Alfie said. His throat was tightening up, but he couldn't cry, not ever in front of her. "When I was a little kid and you were like the biggest person in the world to me."

He remembered that more than anything - sitting on the floor playing with some toy cars near his grandma's feet, her towering above him. She had always been there for him, to wipe away tears and comfort him after he had fallen off his bike. She had seemed like some immortal being to him then. Now she was just a frail old lady. Why did nothing ever last?

"But then you grew up," Nana said. "You're all grown up now, Alfie, you don't need me anymore. It's been you looking after me for such a long time now darling, didn't you notice? Not the other way round."

He looked at his knees, eyes blurring with restrained tears. "I don't want you to go."

Nana smiled. "You'll be alright. Just let's get one thing clear..."

Alfie looked up. "What?"

"No-one's going to be miserable. Okay? I don't want the time I've got left to be spent watching a bunch of miserable people cry over me. I'm going to have some fun, Alfie."

She smiled at him, looking excited. He smiled back weakly, and she hugged him suddenly. He was bigger and stronger than her, but for just a second it seemed like it had been when he was six and was upset because the boys in his street wouldn't play with him. She had hugged him then, too, and told him "I don't care what they say, and neither should you. You're my special little lad." But then he came back to the present, and she was dying and he had no-one left.

[crazy_purple]

The next day Alfie went to work as normal. What else could he do? Nana didn't want any fuss. Kat was on her stall when he got there. They had been alright so far, but they hadn't spoken or even looked at each other since he had left the Slaters' kitchen that Friday. It seemed so long ago now.

"Hi," he said hesitantly as she walked past him, her eyes fixed on a point in the distance so she wouldn't look at him. She didn't reply, but he knew she had heard him - her eyes had flickered with recognition.

He wanted to speak to her because she was, besides everything else, his best friend in the world. And he needed someone to talk to right now - a friend. But most of Walford had heard about recent events and were ignoring him. He was officially an outcast. Great. At the time when he most needed a friend. He felt a fresh burst of sadness bloom inside him, and then lessen into a dull ache. It hurt. He wanted Kat back so much that he felt like he might be physically sick with the pain of not having her near, in his arms. The people who hadn't already left him were leaving.

"Kat," he called to her. A feeling of unbearable loneliness had just descended on him, and he had to at least try to bridge the gap between them both.

At first she pretended not to hear him, but it started to seem ridiculous after he repeated it louder and louder, trying to get her attention, so she looked up, visibly annoyed. "What?"

Now she was looking at him, he didn't know what to say. Or rather: he did, he just couldn't get all the words out.

"Um..."

She frowned. "I'm busy... just - just - I'm busy," she finished.

"You got a stutter?" Alfie asked jokily, forgetting himself for a minute. He couldn't help it. The cheeky, jokey side of him always appeared when he wasn't paying attention.

Kat glanced up again, surprised. "No." she said shortly, but he saw she wanted to smile. He was encouraged by this, and went on.

"You sounded like you were doing a DJ thing for a minute just then," he said. "Scratching discs, or whatever it's called."

"What are you on about?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. Well, at least it was a reaction.

"Do you know, I'm not sure," Alfie said, putting his best thoughtful expression on. That time he was sure he saw the corners of her mouth twitch. She was trying not to smile.

"Um... how's Nana?" Kat asked. She wanted to divert the conversation onto something safe.

She saw Alfie's funny expression fade. He looked away. "She's alright."

Kat frowned slightly. "What's up?"

For a moment she forgot what had happened, that they weren't together anymore, and they were talking like they would have before. It was just a moment.

"Um..." Alfie looked at her, and she thought he was about to say something serious. But then (Big) Mo appeared.

"Don't tell me you're talking to him," she said, disgusted. She threw Alfie a dirty look.

"Nan," Kat said, annoyed. Alfie turned back to his stall, and the mask was back on. What had he been about to say? Well, he wasn't going to tell her now, was he?

She sighed and went to talk to a customer. What did she care, anyway? She didn't need to know everything that was going on in his life now. They weren't together. Just thinking that made her feel horrible. It was awful, being apart. She knew they both loved each other as much as they always had - and would they ever stop? - but things had changed. Things had happened. Too many things.

She glanced at Alfie for a second. He was wearing that shirt, the same one he had been wearing on that day when he had told her he loved her and didn't want her to leave. And then they had gone back to his place and snogged for about an hour - she grinned at the memory - and watched TV curled up on the sofa, and stayed up talking until midnight. Then they had curled up in Alfie's bed, too tired to do anything, but comfortable, and neither of them had ever been happier. Oh, what was the use in thinking about stuff like that? It was gone, it was over. She wanted to cry, but that was the worst thing she could do. Hmm, wasn't that a song from Grease?

She shook her head and turned back to her stall. Some things were better left dead.

[hayley]

this is absoloutly brill!

[crazy_purple]

Kat went back to the house later. She had felt like she was operating on autopilot ever since... ever since that night. She was alright during the day, it was just at night when the darkness closed in like a blanket and she felt so alone in her bed, that it got bad. Sometimes she would cry herself to sleep, and she would cry about everything she'd ever had a reason to cry about - Harry, Zoe, her mother, Alfie, Andy, the baby she'd lost, Little Mo... Just when she thought she'd got it under control, another half-forgotten image or scrap of sound would float into her head from afar: the creak of the floorboards as someone entered her bedroom on a pale dusky night when she was thirteen; the stiff starchy feel of the hospital bedsheets after she'd had Zoe; and before that, her mother, sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands, crying brokenly, for she had just found out something that no mother ever wants to find out. Kat remembered going up to her mother timidly, wanting to say she was sorry for causing trouble, but her mum had seen her and covered her face with a cry. Kat had never fully understood why her mother hadn't been able to look at her that night. Now maybe she did.

But today she felt okay. Talking to Alfie had been a breakthrough, she supposed. Maybe she had been wrong, maybe they could be friends. But only carefully, she thought. They'd have to be careful it stayed as friendship, nothing else. They had to keep their distance. She repeated these thoughts in her head. They couldn't let something like that table incident happen again.

She glanced down at the table as this thought occured to her. After she had told Alfie to leave, she had sat down at it and stared. Not cried - she had no room for tears yet - but just stared at it. For no particular reason, really. Then she had gone upstairs and cuddled up to her little sister, because she had known that that was the right thing to do. And she needed some right in her life.

Kat sighed deeply and went upstairs. There was nothing much to do. She climbed into bed after brushing her teeth, but couldn't sleep. She opened a bedside drawer, hunting for something. She knew she shouldn't, it wouldn't help her get over him, but she couldn't help it. She pulled out a creased, battered photo and curled up, gazing at it. She stroked the image on the photo - Alfie.

[Skits]

this is brill. it's showing a side of kat that we never see.

[Chloe-Elise]

Awwww this is great! Its so sweet. Please post more soon

[crazy_purple]

While Kat drifted off to sleep clutching an old photo of her husband, Little Mo was downstairs watching TV with Charlie and their nan. Little Mo had been dealing with things in her own way, really. She had kind of shrugged her shoulders and got on with it, ignoring that her heart felt ripped in half.

There had been an atmosphere in the Slater house, though. Kat had told Little Mo that she and Alfie were over, because Kat loved Little Mo more, and that was that. But not with the others. Their Nan had been treating Little Mo in an offhand kind of way, speaking to her without any real interest. Little Mo supposed that was just how things were going to be. Mo had always seemed to like Kat more than any of her other granddaughters.

The show they were watching on TV had a woman in it who'd just found out her husband had been cheating on her. Little Mo shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"You w**re," the woman on the TV said to the other woman.

"I think I'll just go and make a cup of tea," Little Mo said hurriedly. She jumped out and went into the kitchen and sank down on a chair by the table, head in her hands. If it was all over, why did she feel this bad?

She sighed and decided she couldn't be bothered to face them any more tonight. She trailed upstairs, shoulders sagging.

"Kat?" she whispered as she opened the door. She wanted to talk to someone. Even though Kat probably hated what she, Little Mo, had done to her and Alfie, she would listen.

But Kat was asleep, tucked up under the covers. One of her hands was poking out, and it was curled into a loose fist. Little Mo saw something in it, a sheet of paper or something. She tiptoed over to Kat's bed and cautiously unfurled Kat's hand to look at the object.

She let out a gasp, stricken by emotion. It was a photo of Kat and Alfie, taken in the living room at the Vic. They were both asleep, or seemed to be, on the sofa, and they were cuddled up together as though nothing could ever pull them apart. But something did, Little Mo thought, with a mixture of sadness and guilt.

She turned the picture over and saw the words "Get a room!!!" and a little smiley face scribbled on, in Zoe's handwriting. It must have been taken by her, when she was living at the Vic. Underneath that was written, more carefully, "I love you Kat, for all of eternity" presumably by Alfie. And then it was Zoe's handwriting again, saying "Soppy git". Little Mo smiled sadly to herself. Had she broken all that up? Had she? And what for?

She placed the photo back in Kat's hand carefully - Kat's fingers wrapped around it unconsciously - and slid into bed herself. She watched her sister sleeping until the tears came and blurred her vision, and ran down onto the pillow until it was soaked with guilty tears.

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You have no idea how hard it is for me trying to make Little Mo sound good when I hate her guts

[crazy_purple]

Alfie was keeping himself busy the next morning by discussing Nana's list with her. It was kind of an upsetting thing to do if he started thinking about it, but at least it meant concentrating on the good things and not just staring at an open grave, as Nana had put it.

"Alfie, there's one more thing," she said, in a moment of silence.

"What's that?"

"I'd like you and Kat to make up, darling."

Alfie looked at her, surprised. "Well, I'd like that too, but it's impossible, Nan."

Nana shook her head impatiently. "I don't mean get back together... just make friends again. That'd be a start, wouldn't it? And I'd love to see you happy again before I go, Alfie."

He looked away. "Yeah, me too."

"You'll try, then?"

"I can try, I suppose," Alfie sighed. "Probably won't get anywhere though. But if it's what you want Nan, then I'll do my best."

"Oh," said Nana happily, "You're too good to me, Alfie."

He laughed, but he didn't feel like it. He had tried to bury his sadness about Nana's condition, but it was really bringing him down.

Later on, he was out on the market, watching Kat wistfully (she occasionally glanced his way too, but was pretending not too) when he saw Nana wandering past.

"What are you doing out?" he asked in concern.

She looked at him. "Don't be silly Alfie. The sunlight won't melt me."

"Alright," he said. "But be careful though, yeah?"

"Yes," she said, smiling. She walked up to Kat, and Alfie felt his heart seem to jump into his throat.

"Hello Kat," Nana said.

"Oh, hi Nana," Kat replied. "Are you okay?"

"To tell the truth, I've been feeling a bit under the weather," Nana said.

"Oh, no," Kat said, genuinely concerned. "Do you need anything?"

'Well," said Nana innocently, "Would you come round later on? I just fancied a chat."

"Um..." said Kat hesitantly, looking in Alfie's direction.

"Alfie'll be out," Nana said quickly. "Come round about two-ish, won't you? I could do with some company."

Kat could hardly refuse. She smiled. "Okay."

"Good," said Nana, pleased. "I'll see you then."