Ooh, I can't wait for tonight's episode - from the looks of it there'll be a ton of Kat and Alfie(I'm not obsessed...)
*~Kate~*
Ooh, I can't wait for tonight's episode - from the looks of it there'll be a ton of Kat and Alfie
Senior Member
and i'll eat sproutsOriginally Posted by crazy_purple
Ooh, I can't wait for tonight's episode - from the looks of it there'll be a ton of Kat and Alfie
*~Kate~*
I'm only doing about the Kalfie bits because the rest bored me. ..How will I cope after Xmas?
*The phone rings and goes to answerphone*
ALFIE: Hello, me and Nana aren't here right now-
NANA: Yes I am, I'm right here!
THE SLOWER VIEWERS: OMG WTF?!
ALFIE: No Nan, it's the message, see?
*The beep goes*
THE SLOWER VIEWERS: Oh.
KAT: *leaving a message* Alfie? Nana? Alfie? Nana? Alfie? Nana?
ALFIE: *in the house* ....
KAT: Alfie? Nana? Are you okay?
ALFIE: *cries*
*Kat demonstrates her amazing law-breaking skills and smashes into Alfie's house, just to prove how crazee she really is.*
KAT: NANA?! SPEAK TO MEEE!
ALFIE: That doesn't upset me at all *sniffle*
KAT: What?
ALFIE: *sniffles louder* I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE, OKAY?
KAT: *catches on suddenly* OMG!
ALFIE: *cries*
KAT: OhAlfiecomehere! *huggle*
*For some reason, Alfie did not seem even the slightest bit surprised that his ex-wife just broke into his house. Maybe this is the kind of thing she does all the time.*
KAT: Come on, you've got to eat something.
ALFIE: I'm not hungry.
KAT: Soup? Soup solves everything!
ALFIE: No.
KAT: Or a sandwich? I'll make you a nice sarnie, and tend to all your hurt and hug you and pet you because you are my squishy.
ALFIE: ....
KAT: ... So, tell me everything!
ALFIE: I don't want to talk about it.
*Five minutes later*
ALFIE: She just slipped away... and they came to pick her up in.. in...
KAT: What?
ALFIE: I can't... it's too horrible...
KAT: *puts her hand on his leg, because... ahem.*
ALFIE: ...in... A VAN!
KAT: Gasp!
ALFIE: *cries*
KAT: Awwwwwwwww.... *huggles his head, because she just seems to love hugging him.*
KAT'S CHEST: *almost takes leave of her top*
ALFIE: *glances sideways* Heh.
KAT: Do you know what happens next?
ALFIE: ... Well, I don't know, but I heard there's lots of angels and harps playing, and-
KAT: No, I mean.... funeral arrangements.
ALFIE: She kept a list in her bedroom. I can't go in there...
KAT: *takes his hands in hers* Come on. It's alright. *she leads him up the stairs*
ALFIE: Ooh, just like old times.
KAT: *finds a pearl necklace*
*If you found anything remotely strange about that above sentence, I will tell you that you have a dirty, dirty mind and you should hang your head in shame. If you didn't, then that's lovely. Well done.*
*Alfie fastens the necklace around her neck*
KAT'S EXPRESSION: *rocks so much, and she looks quite...less tarty in the necklace. I'm gonna shut up before you all start looking at me weird.*
*They find evidence that Nana knew she was going to die soon, awwww*
ALFIE: Hell, I didn't even know she was a gambling woman.
KAT: Touch my neck again?
ALFIE: What?
KAT: It's all so sad...
ALFIE: I'm all alooone...
KAT: No you're not.
ALFIE: I am.
KAT: You've got me...
ALFIE: Oooh...
KAT: And by the way, I'm staying over here tonight.
ALFIE: Oooooooooh!
KAT: I'm just gonna go get my stuff, I'll be ten minutes.
ALFIE: Make it five?
KAT: Okay!
ALFIE: Ooooooooooooooooh.....
PEGGY: Kat? Are Alfie and Nana okay?
KAT: Yeah, they're fine. Well, that's half true, at least.
*She remembers the note Nana left her. It says "Make my Alfie happy".*
KAT: ....How could I do that? Besides letting him have a threesome with me and Little Mo? Hmmm.... I'll have to have a think about that....
Last edited by crazy_purple; 19-12-2005 at 21:28.
Senior Member
lmao, fab especially the last line!! can't wait for more!!
Off Topic Fanatic 2017
Did you get that from Daily Mail's soapwatch by any chance? Lol.
Hmmm? Why was he not surprised? Maybe he wanted double glazing and she saved the window fitters a job? lol.
I agree, the rest was boring, apart from Ruby's fit at the end. This is great.
Last edited by Kim; 19-12-2005 at 21:46.
*~Kate~*
The threesome bit? YepThe woman who writes it is ace, I even read it for the soaps I don't watch... I'd love to write a column like that for papers and get paid for it - brilliant
Off Topic Fanatic 2017
Yeah, i like reading that, the awards bit can be good aswell. It was funnier written by you though. I'd rather write that column than go to stupid school.
*~Kate~*
Went to see this today; it was quite good, but only a PG so there were no wonderful stabbity scenes. And what the hell happened to the White Witch exactly? *~SPOILERS WARNING~* in case you haven't seen it and you're planning to, don't read. Or do, whatever.
*We sit in the back, eat lots of Revels, stare at the pre-show curtains like meh.*
SOME RANDOMS: *come in, go to sit in the back but then realise that we're there* I'M NOT SITTING AT THE FRONT! *they then stomp around for a while, giving us the dead-eye. How pleasant.*
*There is no trailer for King Kong and that makes me sad.*
BOMBER PLANES: Fire in the hole! Bombs away! Wheeeee! *etc., etc., etc.*
*We are introduced to the something-or-other family. They have a surname, which is mentioned a lot, but somehow they always seem to mumble it: "I'm Lucy mumblemumblethingy". I thought this gave the film a very mysterious air. No, really.*
EDMUND: Dad!
THE AUDIENCE: OMG their dad's in there?!
*EDMUND runs back in to get a photo and nearly gets himself killed*
PETER: *shaking head* Doofus.
*They get evacuated to somewhere in the countryside. Their accents distract viewers from the film. You get used to it.*
LUCY: Wardrobe yay!
....
LUCY: Old brown coats yay!
....
LUCY: Cold... wintery... forest... Yay? Hey, why is there a lampost?
*Some more stuff happens, but it wasn't funny, so moving on....*
SUSAN, PETER and LUCY: Ruuun! It's that witchy person!
*Several minutes later*
ME and BECKY: OMG IT'S SANTA YAY!!!!
*Yes, we are 16. But SANTA WHEEE!*
*We grew to hate EDMUND, as you might see.*
BECKY: He needs a good slap.
ME: Yeah. Someone give him a backhander.
THE WHITE WITCH: *b+tchslaps him sideways*
BECKY AND ME: ... *die laughing*
*The evil, evil WHITE WITCH and her CRONIES torture ASLAN*
THE WHITE WITCH: Shave him!
SUSAN and LUCY: Gasp!
THE WHITE WITCH: Stabbity!
SUSAN and LUCY: Noooo!
ME: Noooo! Not Jesus!
SOMEONE ELSE: ....
ME: Allegory smmmf STFU.
LUCY: *cries*
SUSAN: Aww, Mary Magdalene, I'm so -
LUCY: Eh?
SUSAN: .... Lucy. I said Lucy, okay?!
*True to form, ASLAN rises from the dead.*
LUCY and SUSAN: Yay!!! Allegories are useful!
*A battle ensues, that would be more interesting if there was more stabnation and people getting squished by large rocks. In surround sound. Maybe I'm just too old for PG films... awww, I'm gonna go cry now.*
PETER: For Narnia! And for Aslan!
THE OTHER SIDE: .... RAAAA!
ME: ...I think I prefer 'raaaa', to be honest.
*ASLAN arrives and chews the WHITE WITCH's head off. Or something. We don't get to see. Hmph. Mr Tumnus lives. Hurrah.*
ME: Kong, I'm a-coming!
Last edited by crazy_purple; 21-12-2005 at 20:19.
Senior Member
lol, i saw this saturday it was quite good though no comedy was really in it ... so this is fab!!
Off Topic Fanatic 2017
I haven't seen it yet, but good comedy. Are you going to be doing any more of the random Kalfie thing?
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