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Thread: All purpose soap storyline

  1. #41
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    In the bar the good old fashioned Eastenders knees up was going with a swing. Dot Cottontail had brought in the jellied eels; Chelsea Fux the pie and mash. Thicky Ricky had agreed to go out for the fish and chips but hadn’t managed to find his way to the door yet. Fat Pat ‘Eavens Above was calling for the male stripper along with Christmastree Clarke. At the bar, Churchill was trying to buy a round of drinks from Tracingpaper but as neither were allowed to speak they were having communication difficulties.

    Behind the bar, Meggy Bitchell was still complaining to anyone who would listen that she had once been Britain’s brightest star and had been robbed of numerous Oscars over the years by nonentities like Judi Dench and Glenda Jackson. “Their bras didn’t fly off in a highly amusing way in a classic comedy like mine did,” she moaned. But, of course, no-one was actually listening, so her tales of woe disappeared in to the ether.

    Meanwhile down in the depths below the bar, deep in the cellars, there was a strange murmuring, softly at first but gradually growing in volume until the noise was enough to halt the festivities in the bar above. Foxy Bitchell turned to Ronnie McDonald and said, “What’s that?” A look of terror spread across Ronnie’s face. “Don’t you get it?” she screamed, “He’s still controlling us. It’s Dad trying to run our pub from beyond the grave.” “I don’t believe you,” spat Foxy in anger. “Alright, don’t believe me,” Ronnie replied, “but it’s true.”

    An eerie silence descended on the pub. Slowly the door creaked open. A hunched figure in a worn T-Shirt and an old pair of jeans entered the bar. A gasp went up. The figure looked across the room to where Dot Cottontail was hurriedly putting out a fag.

    “’Ello Ma!”
    Last edited by parkerman; 22-03-2010 at 20:15.

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  3. #42
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    Seeing as my co-writer is taking a sabbatical I thought I would continue the story myself...:

    It was, of course, Libertine, Chelsea Fux’s sister, who was on one of her regular visits to Victoria Square from Oxford. As soon as she saw her, Destiny Johnson screamed in delight. “Libertine,” she cried, “I haven’t seen you for at least two days. Why did you have to go away to Oxford?” Next to her, Luke Skywalker Johnson was looking decidedly shifty. “What do you know about Owen and Trina and Sugar?” He said grabbing Libertine by the arm. “How did you know I was on the boat when Sailor Joe died? Who told you I saw Mark in the woods? Come on spit it out.” Libertine was taken aback, but before she could answer the deep rumbling sound from the cellar started up again.

    Ronnie dropped the glass she was holding and ran screaming from the pub, “Get away from me, Dad,” she yelled! “Who told her I was in the pub when Archie got killed?” shouted Luke. Just at that moment, Inspector Marsbar appeared silhouetted at the door of the King Albert. “It wasn’t me,” shrieked Luke, “you’ve got nothing on me.” “I don’t understand what you’re talking about, sir,” said Inspector Marsbar, “I’ve just come in for a drink.” “And I wasn’t there when Den was murdered,” Luke added. “In fact I wasn’t even born when Reg Groves met his untimely end. You can’t pin anything on me.”

    The moment Den’s name was mentioned all the regulars in the King Albert knew it could only mean one thing, and sure enough the back door of the bar opened and in walked….
    Last edited by parkerman; 22-03-2010 at 20:15.

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  5. #43
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    Arfur Fowler. He really loved that place.
    Allo folks said the genial Arfur. Wheres my Pauline!! The regulars stood their open mouthed. Shes gone up west said Fat Pat Evans-Above. Yes agreed the rest thats it shes gone up west. West Londondon Crematorium more like said the one dissenting voice. It was John Binman. Yes Im afraid she was Miss Brahms and Liszt one night and as she was walking across the square she tripped over Janines pussy which was lying in a drunken heap outside Beale Towers.

    Poor ole Arfur shook his head in disbelief. I just went up the allotment the other week spen some time in Barton Street and Colby and when I come back shes gone. Anyway I better get ome as Seashell will be wondering where I am. With that he trotted off to the Fowler residence

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  7. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by alan45 View Post
    Yes Im afraid she was Miss Brahms and Liszt one night

  8. #45
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    Outside the King Albert the rain began to fall gently creating puddles on the dusty pavements. “We need this rain,” said Luckypurple Heather, as she pushed baby Michael up the kerb. “Why’s that?” asked her best friend Shirley Youcantbeserious. “Well,” said Luckypurple, “we haven’t had a road sweeper since Gus Who upped and left for the celebrity life with his girl friend’s band, so the roads have got very dirty. This rain’ll wash it all away.” “You do talk some old cobblers, Luckypurple,” said her best friend. “Of course there’s still a road sweeper, it’s just that he doesn’t feature in any important story lines like Gus or Robbie Jacksey or Arfur did. It ‘appens all the time round ‘ere. Sometimes the doctor is a central figure in the Square, sometimes ‘e’s not. It’s just the same with the vicar and the market inspector. Sometimes you’d fink the Square couldn’t operate without them but other times they're not around for years on end.”

    Just as Luckypurple was about to reply, they noticed Ronnie McDonald sitting on the bench outside the King Albert in tears. As the pair looked at her, Jack Branston aka Phil Chunter came out the pub. “What’s the matter, Ron?” he said. “Go away, Jack,” she replied. “But Ron,” pleaded Jack, “We’re made for each other. I can’t live without you.” “No Jack, we’re bad for each other. We make each other unhappy. I just want to sit here and cry. It’s all dad’s fault.”

    Meanwhile back inside the Albert, Luke Skywalker had Inspector Marsbar pinned up against the wall while he continued to protest his innocence. “I was nowhere near Steve Owen when he was blown up. As for Barry Evans I have never been to Scotland. I couldn’t even tell you who Saskia Duncan was. I can’t drive so Danielle Jones and Tiffany Mitchell were nothing to do with me. I’ve never heard of Stella Crawford or Mad May the Dopey Doctor. You must be joking if you think I’d tangle with the likes of Johnny Allen. And as for Paul Trueman, how could I be friends with Patrick if I’d had anything to do with his murder? As for Ethel, you want Dot Cottontail. She’s the real murderer.” Inspector Marsbar finally managed to shake Luke Skywalker off as he fell to the ground frothing at the mouth.

    Destiny Johnson, who had been looking on, came over and picked her husband up. “Come on Luke,” she said, how about a nice cup of tea? You’ll soon feel better.”

    Suddenly the noise in the cellar got louder…
    Last edited by parkerman; 08-03-2010 at 23:58.

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  10. #46
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    Meanwhile up in Weatherfield, dawn broke at the start of a glorious day. The sun was soon riding high in the Heaven and the birds were chirruping in the trees. It was such a lovely day that a mother and her devoted son decided to have a picnic. They gathered together the necessary equipment and food and set off full of the joys of Spring to enjoy some time together.

    While this was happening, the woman’s daughter together with her daughter had just arrived unexpectedly at the woman’s mother’s house. “Darling, what a lovely surprise,” said the woman’s mother. “Your mother has gone off for a picnic, let’s go and surprise her.”

    So the three generations went off in search of the mother and son. They soon found them lying back in the meadow without a care in the world soaking up the sunshine as it beat down on them. As soon as she saw her daughter the woman sat up and said, “I didn’t know you were coming over. How wonderful. I couldn’t have wished for anything better. I now have my whole family around me in such magnificent surroundings. This truly is an idyllic moment, one I will treasure always. I am such a lucky woman. Everything always seems to go right for me. I bet other women wish they could be as lucky as me.

    Suddenly the alarm clock went off and Gail woke up.

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  12. #47
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    Suddenly the alarm clock went off and Gail woke up........................

    and looked around at the four grey walls that surrounded her and she realised that she was only dreamin. For there's a guard and a sad old padre

    She was immediatly dazzled by the brilliant white smile of her cellmate Tracyluv Barstool doing her Arkle impersonation. ''Let me be your friend Gale Force, its a nasty place in here, you dont know who you can trust'' ''Oh thank you Tracyluv'' said Gale Force '' Ive bin framed by Tina Mc Sparetyre.'' ''Dont worry I can help you, but first of all I need you to sign this piece of folded paper just to keep things right with my insurance'' smiled a scheming Tracyluv. ''People think Im niave you know, but Im not'' cried Gale ''my first husband was stabbed, my second a murderer and my third a drug addicted fraudster, but luckily my Mum Oddrey and my sons Damien and Nick Newhead are standing by me.''

    ''Thats a nice tape recorder you have Tracyluv, was it a present from Ken?''
    ''No I got it off Old Bill''
    ''Webster???'' asked a puzzeled Galeforce

    ''No Bill my Open University tutor, he wants me to record a play what I wrote, would you like to take part in it''
    ''Well that depends'' says Gale '' as I dont think I will be here very long according to my lawyer Marcus Mohamed''
    ''He says the filth have nothing on me unless I make a verbal or written confession''

    ''He should know as he has got the Bitchells off with murder for years''

    Tracy laughed. She could hear that train a coming, its coming down the line she was stuck in Wholsome Prison since she killed Charlie Stuboutthatfag but she could see that she would soon be a free woman and back in Weatherfield where she belonged

    Outside the warden led the prisoner down the hallway to his room

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  14. #48
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    Tracy followed them down until they came to the warden’s room. They stepped inside and Tracy placed her tape recorder on the table. “Now then,” said the warden, who was none other than the recently promoted Mr MacKay, “Tracy here has written a little play which we would like you, Gail, to star in. Here are your lines,” he said handing her a single sheet of A4 paper.

    Gail read through the script and shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m a good enough actor to do this.” “Well,” said Mr MacKay, “We’ve seen Tracy acting in prison plays and believe me you can’t be any worse. Sometimes we’re hard put to know whether the lines are being spoken by her or by part of the scenery.” “Ok then,” said Gail, “I’ll give it a go. It’s funny though, looking at the script it reminds me of what the police have been trying to get me to say.” “Just a coincidence,” said Mr Mackay.

    The tape recorder was switched on and Mr Mackay said, “Action!” Gail began to read her lines: “The night Joe was murdered I was with him on a boat in the Lake District. As we sailed off I hit him over the head with a hammer and threw him into the muddy waters. I did this so that I could get my hands on the life insurance.” “That’s great,” said Mr Mackay. “Is that all there is to it?” asked Gail, “It’s not a very long play is it?” “Oh there’s a bit more,” put in Tracy, “but you don’t need to worry about that. You can go back to the cell now and I’ll see you in a little while…or not as the case may be.”

    After Gail had left, the Manchester Soap Police arrived and listened to Gail’s speech on the tape recorder. “Brilliant, Tracy,” said the first policeman, “Even though you have about twelve more years of your sentence to serve, I’m letting you go now, to thank you for your help in nailing another murderer.” “Thanks,” said Tracy, “I’m off to spend my grandmother’s money. She left me everything you know. I’m going off to buy my brother a brewery and then I’m heading south to buy out Roxy Bitchell….”

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  16. #49
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    With a hop, skip and a jump Traceyluv left the Weatherfield Big House and followed the yellow cobbled road to Consternation Street, The residents were going about their everyday lives blissfully unawre of the sensational events that were about to rock the street with explosive consequences.

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  18. #50
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    lmao loving this
    Happy New Year SoapBoards!

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