All purpose soap storyline

[Perdita]

brilliant, parkerman

[alan45]

Lloyd Dwarf gets out of the cab and walks over to Charlie Slateloose. For it has been him who is to go up West in the black cab. A new firm has taken over the manor and replaced E 17s solitary black cab with a fleet of minicabs from Weatherfield. Steve Young McDonald has taken over so he has. No longer will the cabs be seen as the angels of death.

Steve turns to Meggy Bitchell and says you are next you slapper. My Mum is a bigger slapper than you and she is taking over The Vic.

Fill Fill do samthin moans Meggy. Youramitchell dant lat im ave mahpub. Stand back Mum slurs Beetroot Man and staggers over to Steve. However on his way over he trips over Peter Baroombrawl and collapses in a drunken heap.

An you can get lost Janinetimesanight Im a respectable call girl says Lying Betterwear and I want you and your pimp off the square. Ive ditched Peter and am moving in with Barry Eavensabove and opening up a new business venture ere. A COCKtail bar.

Meanwhile as Lloyd dwarf is driving off with Charlie Slatelose he crashes the cab into a roundabout which in fact turns out to be Big More Slapper.

Down on the Walford Canal a barge pulls up alonside the body of Den Watts and out steps Martha Fowler and Joe 'Lucky Charm' McIntyre.......................................... ..........

[Siobhan]

"Janinetimesanight"... brilliant name

[parkerman]

All Purpose Story Line Special

It was a night like no other in the Square. The tension was so real that you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. Many of its inhabitants were wandering round muttering to themselves under their breath. To the untrained observer it sounded as though they were rehearsing lines they would later be saying. Even to the trained observer that was how they sounded as well. Everyone was looking at everyone else, thinking “is it him or her or could it be me? I wish I knew.” Only Jack Branston, aka Phil Chunter, late of Moon Hill CID looked smug. “I’m a tough hard ex-copper,” he would go round saying to anyone who would listen, “and I know whodunit.”

Every now and then someone would sidle up to hard-as-nails Jack/Phil and offer a fiver for a quick look at the last page of the wad of papers he was carrying in his hand, but they were always refused. Some, including Janinetimesanight and Foxy Bitchell, offered other services just for a look at Jack’s appendix, but again he refused.

Jack was enjoying his new found fame and notoriety as the only man in the know. “At last,” he said, “I am someone who matters. No more upstaging by that whiney apology for a copper, Miss Salmonella Knickers. I am the tough man now. The hard man. Bitchells, pah! It’s all about me now.”

Jack picked up his pile of papers and reread the last page again. A smile spread slowly across his face. Suddenly, from out of the darkness of the night, the black cab returned and out got Didier “Deadend” Santander. He walked slowly to the middle of the Square, looked at the assembled company and pointed his finger at one of their number. “You,” he said quietly, “come with me. You are going for a ride in the black cab….”

Doof Doof

[Chris_2k11]

haha im actually lol'ing at this thread

please carry on doing this

[alan45]

As Stacey Sleeparound got into the back of the cab with Deaderick Santander there was a lour banging on the side of it. Deaderick and Stacey looked out the window and could see nothing so they opened the door to find a furious Meggy Bitchell banging the side of the cab with her fists.

''She cant be the murderer cos Im the star'' roared Meggy standing to he full height of 4'2'' '' She aint a Mitchell''
''Do sumthin Fill this show should be all about me Im a famous actwess and an National tweasure''

Fill the Fug pulls Deaderick from the cab and beats him senseless. '' My ma is the star of this show and she should be given the top storylines'' rants Fill

''Fill you are a Cupid Stun''t yells Ian Squeal from behind the safety of Big Mo.'' Dont you know there is a new producer in town. Deaderick is going to leave us''

Fill calls over to DCI Jill Madesumup and tells her ''Arrest Squeal and Sleeparound, after all what am I paying you for?? Get them to court and my tame Judge John Deeds will sentence them to be deported to Summer Bay.''

A piercing scream echoes across the square as a figure falls from the roof of the Queen Vic .................................................. ...

[Perdita]

Well done

[parkerman]

A big crowd gathers round to see who the figure is who has fallen from the roof. A loud gasp goes up when they realise it is none other than Sailor Joe.

Suddenly there is a screech of brakes as Lloyd Dwarf pulls up in his taxi and out jumps Galeforce Splatt and the Devil Boy himself. “Joe, Joe,” screams Galeforce, “I thought you were going to pretend to be dead. This is taking the insurance scam a bit far.” Meggy Bitchell is close to despair. “Wos goin’on ‘ere?” she screams, “Gerrouramysoap!” It’s bad enough bein’ upstaged by my own, but ‘avin’ you lot come dahn from up Norf is a disgrace. Fill, deal wiv’em!”

But just as Fill is about to take Galeforce round the neck and persuade her gently to leave the Square, her son, Devil Boy, looks at Fill and gestures at him with his right hand. Fill falls to the ground in a crumpled heap. “No-one messes with my mum,” says Devilboy, “except me obviously.”

Have the Mitchell Famerlee at last met their match? Stay tuned for the next thrilling instalment.

[alan45]

''Iv ony Den Watts were ere e wud nowattado'' sighs Dot Cottontail. At that a rather plump orange figure is a black leather jacket approached the crowd. It was none other than Princess Sharon Watts-Rickman-Mitchell. My dads dead and remember 'You only live twice' so I have come back to elp you all.

'Lord have mercy'' cries Dot ' ave you seen my Nick'.

''Your Nick is gone'' says Galeforce'' but you can have my David as hes an evil little so and so. Im off to join a convent.'' ''Oh Gail I am so pleased that you have found God'' says Emily Vicar

''God my ****'' says Galeforce '' Im just fed up with men they bring me nothing but heartache''

''You cant leave me mutha'' shrieks Devil Boy

Teflon Fill picks himself up from the square and heads off to Dagenham for a spot of Dogging as Meggy talks to anyone who will listen.

I was a famous movie star you know. People love me. Hoo will represent stenders at the CBBC awards this year. They need me. This show will be nothing wifout me.

Bernis Scripps arives and takes away the body of Sailor Joe as everyone else goes over to the Vic for a good old fashioned Eastend knees up....................................

Unaware that down in the cellar something was stirring.......................................... ............

[Dazzle]

Teflon Fill picks himself up from the square and heads off to Dagenham for a spot of Dogging...