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Thread: All purpose soap storyline

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by alan45 View Post
    Madam he says you are suffereing from a severe case of Upyourownarseiness as well as a dose of Double Entendre. It leads you to have delusions of greatness and acting way beyond your capabilities.
    that is so funny!!! Well done you guys
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  2. #22
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    As soon as Dr Groper announces his diagnosis, Fenceander, who has followed the ambulance on the back of David Bitchell’s new supersonic state of the art two wheel babe machine, bursts into tears. He is comforted by one of Fat Pat ‘Eavens Above’s earrings which has taken on a life of its own and is now to be seen wandering around Victoria Square and environs telling everyone who is prepared to listen what a hard upbringing she had attached to Fat Pat’s earlobe.

    Up in Weatherfield everyone runs screaming from the church except Monkey Wrench and his best man, Typhoon Dross. “You know what I don’t understand?” asks Typhoon ”What’s that?” replies WebStar. “Well,” begins Typhoon, “you seem to have been with every woman in Weatherfield except my Milly. Why’s that?” Kev chokes on the holy water he is swigging from the tap by the font, but Typhoon continues, “You see I’d know if you’d been with Milly and I can tell you haven’t.” Monkey Wrench is prevented from answering by Sailor Joe rising up from the crypt moaning, “Lend me some money” over and over again till Gale’s other two husbands get so fed up with him that they throw him back in to the crypt and shut the door on him.

    Meanwhile, back in court, a market trader known only as Churchill takes command of the situation. Without saying a word he gets everyone to sit down so the trial can recommence. Inspector Mars Bar is next to take the stand. She begins her evidence by saying, “Those Bitchells won’t escape justice this time.” Up in the public gallery there is a commotion as well known Dragon, Ian Weasel, claps and cheers loudly until his daughter, Lucy Lastic, tells him to sit down.

    Back at the hospital, Big Charlie’s son gives his father a look of disdain and says, “OK, make it £12.50 then.”
    Last edited by parkerman; 02-02-2010 at 18:23.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by parkerman View Post
    Lucy Lastic,
    ah you edited it.. I like Looseelastic better.. hahahahha
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  4. #24
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    I was trying to be a bit more subtle!

  5. #25
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    By now on of Fat Pat 'Evans aboves majestic earings had attached itself to the earlobe of the 60 yr old teenager Liz OldMacdonald Addafarm, the other having been lost in the heaving mound she called her bosom. If the earing thought it had a hard time attached to Evans Aboves ears it was nothing as to the time it would have attached to Elizabeths ear so it would. Still it could have been worse. Imagine it had been caught in her yoyo knickers.

    Back in Weatherfield Crying Tilsley and his shiny white teeth launched and attack on Monkeywrench. Thats for shagging my widow after I was mudered on American telly. Typhoon Dross leapt to monkey wrench's defence and beat him about the head with a copy of the Haynes guide to Married Bliss. Monkeywrench mad good his escape and went off in search of a Loose Women and found five.

    Judge John Deed slammed his gavel down in the Courtroom. Who appears for The National treasure aka The Poison Dwarf aka Meggy Bitchell. A snide greasy little man appeared. I do replied the Ace Lawyer known as Marcus Weaselly. I have rrpresented The Mitchells for years and only stopped due to a finacial misunderstanding. And who represents you Big Al. Two gentlemen stood up Roy 'Rumpole' Crapper and Kenny 'Ironsides' Barlow

  6. #26
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    bump for next part

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by alan45 View Post
    bump for next part
    ???

    Before the courtroom drama can continue however, Ironsides’ son, Peter Publicbarlow (aka Saloonbarlow aka Privatebarlow in fact aka Anysortofbarlow) staggers in to the courtroom, clutching at the doorknob and mumbling, “Simon, Simon, it’s just you and me. Mine’s a pint.” He is followed into the courtroom by Lying Battermix who demands the court go easy on Peter as it is all her fault.

    Judge John Deed looks sternly at her and says, “No my dear, it’s the fault of all of us. Society is to blame and I am going to crusade to put it right.” Sergeant Stoneface looks up from the public gallery and says, “B******s to that! Peter Publicbarlow is a no good drunk and I’m going to fix him even if I have to bend a few rules and plant the evidence.” “That’s our boy,” exclaims Meggy Bitchell, “Ronnie would be proud of you – Ronnie Knight I mean, not Ronnie Mitchell. Now he was a man. A great man. A great great man.”

    Up in Weatherfield, Gale tells everyone that Sailor Joe is very much alive and the fact that has been buried in the crypt in the church does not prove a thing. Look at Max Branston down in Walford. He was buried but turned up alive and well. In fact Branston got into a right pickle before he was dug up again by his loving wife, Tanyahide, and resurrected. “I’m going to do the same with Joe,” she promises.

    Back at the hospital, Charlie looks scornfully at his son and says, “£12.50?” before keeling over and being carted off to be cared for by Dr Nigel Bates under the Direction of Dr David Wicks.

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  9. #28
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    very funny

  10. #29
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    Lying Battermix is carted off to the Queen Victoria Memorial Clinic to dry out. Peter Barsteward and his best mate Cairan McCartheif flee the Court to open up a new business venture on the site of Jerrys famous Kebab shop. It will be an upmarket Wine Bar which is just the very thing that Coronation Street need. We will be the best Wine Bar in all of Weatherfield mutters alcoPete and I'll be the best cushtomer. Mc Cartheif says No Pete you are goning into rehab with Lying Batterminx. You want simon back dont you. Simon who says alcopete. Simon the cute little curly topped sprog that steals everyones hearts. Oh him says Pete. Dr yuki Reid and the gang arrive from Holby and cart peter off.

    Meanwhile a loud bang is heard in the Courtroom. Judge Deeds whips off his wig and dons a curly one as he slips into his alter ego Ray Boyle of CI5. He is immediatly knocked to the ground by Henno Mitchell who has come to rescue Meggy Bitchell who faces being locked up with Traceyluv and Gale Force Platt in Slade Open Prison.

    Ello Ma.

    Wosss going on here Gwant scweams Bitchell.

    Ive come to rescue you. I killed Archie cos he wasnt good enough for you. A rope is lowered from India 99 which was hovering above and Meggy and Gwant make their way to Albert Square and enter the Webcammers Return.

    A black Taxi appears in the square. Its the Angel Of Death and its plain to see that it was going to be another explosive incident down East 17 which will rock the square.

    Who will be leaving in the cab

  11. #30
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    Every resident in Victoria Square steps out in to the street to see who will be leaving in the black cab. Many have their scripts in their hands desperately reading quickly to get to the end, hoping against hope that it won’t be them as they will then be forced to turn to acting for a living, something that is well beyond the capabilities of most of them.

    Suddenly ‘Alf a Mo Slapper runs in to the middle of the Square. “Odds on Sean,” she yells, “I know he doesn’t live here any more but that’s no reason for him not to leave in a black cab anyway.” She is surrounded by most of the Square placing bets. Suddenly Dr Nigel Bates appears, having successfully revived Charlie, and says, “That used to be my Debbie’s job to run the bookies. I remember the days when the bookies was an important part of the Square now it’s never mentioned. What’s Fat Pat ‘Eavens Above done to it anyway?”

    At the mention of the word bookies, Peter Publicbarlow appears and staggers down the street, “Bookies? I’m the only bookie around here. Or am I the only alcoholic? I can’t quite remember.” Meggy Bitchell looks up at him and says, “How dare you! My boy Phil is a better alcoholic than you’ll ever be. Us Bitchells are the best at everything because we’re the Bitchells.” A big cheer goes up from the Bitchell Famerlee.

    Meanwhile the black cab is revving its engine waiting for its next occupant to be carried away for ever…

    Doof Doof.

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