How Was Your Day? VII

[Abigail]

£200 is tough for any family to find in seven weeks at this time of year, let alone single parents! The school is being unreasonable to expect parents to fork out that much.

Does she want to go?

[Siobhan]

Marley came home with a letter from school yesterday about the possibility of going to Paris with the school in June. There is only 40 places available and if she is selelcted I have to pay £200 before Christmas. Anyone want to buy a kidney.

Is there any easy option payments? I know our school asks for 150 at the start of each year but you can pay 50 quid a week.

[Abigail]

Is there any easy option payments? I know our school asks for 150 at the start of each year but you can pay 50 quid a week.

Or perhaps if you explain your financial situation to the school (not that I know anything about it, but I guess being a single parent, running a home, childcare and working isn't easy) you might be able to come to some sort of arrangement to pay a proportion after Christmas.

My parents are coming down on Sunday for the day. I'm not really looking forward to it; I've been struggling recently with the decisions my mum made and the sort of parent she was when I was growing up. We've never been close and I wouldn't say we have an ideal relationship.

I've been thinking of the right time to post this, and I guess there never will be a right time. I consider all you regular posters as good friends that I've come to know over the past three years or so. In February this year, my uncle (mum's brother) was arrested. Without going into great detail - that would take too long - he has been charged with 17 counts of rape, 13 indecent assault and 3 incest. All against three of his sisters, my mum included. A fourth sister has refused to give a statement about him raping her and the fifth has denied anything ever happened to her, which several people know to be false. The fifth sister was arrested and charged in May for sexually assaulting my oldest sister and two cousins (not her children). The trial is in November, trial for my uncle is early 2011.

I do understand why my mum had a breakdown, why she swings from depressed to hyper several times a day and why she's always been touchy on the subject of sex. What I don't understand is why she put me and my elder sister (not the one above) in situations where we were potentially exposed to abuse when she knew what he was capable of. I realise she finds it impossible to talk about and that's why she kept it a secret for 30+ years but her erratic behaviour throughout my childhood has had a negative effect on me and my sisters, she was always emotionally distant, always starting an argument for no reason. I just wish she told somebody when it happened and she got some help back then. I definitely don't blame her; I honestly don't think she was in a position where she could tell anyone, partly because of the taboo of sex outside marriage in the early 70s, partly because he's always been my nanna's golden boy who could do no wrong.

I guess the biggest thing I've learnt through all of this is that secrets destroy lives and one day, no matter how long it takes, the truth will come out and it will have an even greater effect than it did at the time. You can never fully understand how serious crime affects people until you're in that position. Its always devastating to lose a child, parent or sibling to murder and from the outside, you think you can feel that person's pain but you can't truly appreciate what it does to a person until you're in that position.

With the first trial being a matter of weeks away, I'm starting to think about it all again. I've had to tell a few of my lecturers, both ex-police officers, and they were really understanding. I had to change my dissertation subject because all the case studies involved an element of sexual assault which I found difficult to deal with. Rape is always a hard subject to read about, I never had any real issues with it, but when one can truly relate to it, it seems so much more real.


Hmm, that wasn't supposed to turn into a long ramble. I'm sorry if I've upset anybody or poked a sore spot.

[Chloe O'brien]

Is there any easy option payments? I know our school asks for 150 at the start of each year but you can pay 50 quid a week.

No unfortunately there is no easy option. The cost of the trip in June is £495 for a week. At the moment there is 250 pupils in S1 (1st year of high school) but only 40 will be allowed to go. Everyone that is interested in going has to take a £95 deposit to school by Wednesday. If they get more than 40 requests the names will go into a hat and the first 40 pupils picked willl get to go. If she is one of the 40 I will have to pay an additional £100 by 13 December then the remaining £300 in monthly enstalments in Jan, Feb and March. I knew they would be given the chance to go to Paris and it would cost around £500 but I didn't think for a minute that they would want £200 7 weeks before Christmas.

[Chloe O'brien]

Abigail I know what your going through and it's no wonder your emotions are all over the place. It's once of the hardest things to face in life finding out that loved ones have suffered abuse. The verman infected my family 21 years ago and although the beasty b*****d is now six feet under he was never taken to court or charge with any offences, because his victims innocent children were too traumatised to tell anyone as he threatened to murder family members and make the kids watch while he did this. How's a 9 year old and a 6 year old supposed to cope with that.

It all began in 1989 my sister was pregnant with her third child and I had arranged to take her eldest two away to Butlins for a holiday to give her a rest. My sister didn't keep well during her pregnancy because she suspected her husband was having an affair with her so-callled best mate, which they denied but hey guess what my sister was right. At this time my sister's husband used to take the kids to his father's house and they were all alcholics and druggies. this is when the abuse began. sometimes my nephew and neice would be late home and my sister would be frantic. They would say they were in the liabary but they weren't. In September of 89 I took my nephew and niece away on holiday, while we were there a lot of money was going missing from my bag. I asked the kids if they had taken it but both denied touching it. When we got home I spoke to my sister about it and asked her to keep an eye on them and her money. My nephew's behaviour became very violent,but my niece became very withdrawn and used to wet herself a lot. In the October my sister was at the doctors for a check up and to get my youngest neice checked over. She was only 3 months at the time. My sister broke down at the doctors he then examined her two oldest kids and she was told he believed that her kids were being sexually abused. My sister had 5 nervous breakdowns over 4 years,

From that moment it was like someone sticking a knife in your heart. My nephew and neice were taken into care. After a few days my sister got my six year old neice back but my nine year old nephew was put into a secure unit until he went to foster parents. My sister never got him back. He remained in care until he was 16 and all three kids were placed on the at risk register until they all reached the age of 16. My wonderful nephew and niece are now 30 and 27 and too this day they have never said who the beasty *******er was but it is believed by the police and doctors that it was there Grandfather.


Abigail I would love to say you will get over this but we have been friends on here for a long time and you know I'd be lying. You don't get over it. It's like death you just get used to living with the pain Having this vermen infect my family has made me more terrirtoral to my family and to kids in care. In my job we have to deal with a lot of students who maybe in care and a lot of people think that if a kid is in care then they've got a screw loose that is not the case. You and your family can survive this with love and support for each other. There will be tears, lots of tears. I know I still shead tears to this day but now it's tears of pride and joy at how wonderful my nephew and neice have coped with life.

[Siobhan]

Abigail, Kath is right, it is something that you don't really get over, it is always there but with love and support it becomes easier to handle... Your mum probably doesn't know how to love properly and a reason she was distant with you. You can only learn from this, to be a better parent if and when you have kids and protect them at all times. Most kids won't speak out about it cause the abuser gets into their head, makes them believe that they deserve this or that if they say something, they will be in more trouble...
This goes for all abuse, physically, mentally or sexual.. and the hard part is that the people who know about the abusers refused to believe it cause they are related to them and just can't see them been that but it is everywhere..

I only hope now that you know about this abuse in your family that you can support your mum and help her through this. Kath, so sorry to hear about your niece and nephew and hope they can get through this.. The positive side for me in all this is that I tell my children that nothing bad will happen to them or anyone else if this happens to them. I tell them not to keep secrets and that they can come to me if they need help. No child/person should feel scared or bullied by these monsters (yeah that is the only word I can use to describe them).

[Tannie]

Haven't been around in a while. How are we all? I broken down on Tuesday, finally had enough of everything, the amount of college work is becoming far to much to handle, I can never seem to get any "Me" time in this house without having to do something. Apart from that I'm good, got Lauren coming up today, going to see Marina and the Diamonds on Monday and Paloma Faith on Tuesday ! Been with Aarron for four months now, how he can handle me I'll never ever know cause I'm a right pain in the bum!

[Chloe O'brien]

Tannie i'm sending you a big hug from across the bridge. Have you spoke to anyone at college about helpng you cope with the course work. There should be someone from student support who ould maybe help you manage your study time , don't let it get on top of you. Glad that things are going well with Aaron and stop being so hard on yourself. Your a lovely girl and Aaron can see that.

[Katy]

happy halloween!

Im off to alton towers today, minus my voice. bit of a session last night in the local! was a great night though, much worth my sore head, dread to htink what it did to my bank balance!

[Katy]

eek, i got my advocacy assessment in 30 mins! im bricking it! hope it goes well, ive already failed my first two assessments, hopefully third time lucky!