Advice about wedding

As many of you will probably know I have a family wedding comming up in August. My nephew is getting married in a castle near Edinburgh its to be a big posh doo but I'm after some advice. This is the story.

The Bride Claire: is 23 sadly her mother died 5 years ago from breast cancer and the only family she has is her dad and brother those she does have an aunt, uncle and cousins.

The wedding party was to be Claire, Gary (the groom), best man,(gary's best friend) chief bridesmaid (claire's cousin) two other bridesmaids (gary's sisters) a flower girl (Marley) and a page boy (gary's son).

The problem is my sister(Annette) the grooms mother she is trying to take over the arrangements and claire is stressed out and is too nice to tell her future mother-in-law to butt out. It started out with the wedding cars. Claire & Gary have hired 2 cars, 1 for claire and her dad the other for the bridesmaides and flowergirl. The men are spending the night before in a hotel in town, they have also arrange for a coach to pick up the other guests. That would have been fine but my sister has decided that she is going in the car beside the bridesmaids, so claire tried to be diplomatic saying that there would not be enough space they would have to get a taxi. My sister butts in you can't put marley in a taxi on her own. (by the way Marley is a 8 year old child) Claire tried nicely to say to her that she could go in the taxi, but my sister refused to go in a taxi she wants them to hire an additional wedding car for her but they're over £200 so now claire has to move her chief bridesmaid into the car with her and her dad to make room for my sister, which I think is all wrong. I have had a word with my sister before about her interferance but she said but claire hasn't got her mum. I tried to point out to her that claire doesn't want her to be her mum, she wants her to be a friend.

The other problem is her behaviour she is fine sober but drunk she is a nightmare. Last weekend gary and claire had his best man and his wife and kids round for drinks as it was his birthday a couple of weeks ago. Anyway gary's friend michael is a muslim and when he left the room to go for a drink Annette was drunk on wine turned to her boyfriend and I won't tell you what she said. I'll trust you intelligence on what she said. Gary went mental at her but claire is really paranoid that she starts saying things aobut other guest at the wedding although she said she is not drinking. I believe pigs will fly first. Anyway sorry for moaning but I said to claire that I would have a word with her about her behaviour and try and get her to go on the coach with the other guest.

My questions is who does the grooms mother normally travel with and how do I tell her that she stressing the bride out. I promised claire that I would not drag her into it so do I tell her straight or do I try and be subtle about it. her and my nephew had an argument a few weeks ago and she said that she was not going to the wedding. Personally I think that she is peed of that she is not going to be the centre of attention and this is getting to her but there is no way she is going to ruin this day. So advice would be greatly appreciated. 'Once again sorry for waffling on

In all the weddings my family has had, my mother never travelled in the car.. she usually got a lift of someone or went on a bus

If she insists in going in the car, would it be possible for the bridesmaid,marley and herself to be dropped of first and then the car to come back for the Bride and her father.. Personally, only the bride and her father should be in the car. Bridemaids are generally dropped of first.

On the way back from Wedding, does your sister expect to travel in the car with the bride and groom?? cause their won't be room in the other car.. Once we had this problem when my brother's mother in law insisting in getting in the car. My mum and dad had to take the best men in their car.. You sister will have to understand it is not her Day but Claires

I agree with Siobhan.

At my wedding - granted it was a hundred years ago, lol, we had 2 cars. One car took the bestman and groom to the church - then doubled back and picked up my mum and the bridesmaids. I went in the other car with my dad.

My mum in law - the mother of the groom - went to the church with another one of her sons in his car. As far as I know that is normal practice.

Is your sister paying for the cars or the wedding or something?

No she is not paying anything for the wedding Gary and Claire are paying for the whole things themselves apart from her dress as Claires dad wanted to buy it for her with her being his only daughter. The wedding is taken place in a castle near Edinburgh and they are putting on a coach for about 70 guests to take them to and from the wedding, even Claire's brother is going on the coach. The 2 cars are enough U just honestly think she is miffed that she is not going to be the centre of attention. Claire suggested hiring a white taxi for her as she is going to be at the house in the morning to get her hair and make-up done there but she refused to go in a white taxi she wanted them to hire another wedding car for her. I have to speak to her about it all as poor Claire is stressed out about it and she doesn't want to fall out with her. Another thing that is making my blood boil is she has this new boyfriend, she was seeing a bloke from Manachester he had long hair and because all the men are wearing kilts she said that her fella was going to wear blue and white ribbons through his hair like dredglocks. I went bananas, there was no way she could let him ruin any family photographs. Anyway she is seeing someone else and the last time I spoke to her she was saying that all the guys should go to the kilt shop together so they hire the same tartan, but there has been no mention of her or this new bloke handing over money for the cost of the hire of the kilt or if she is just asuming that Gary is going to pay for it.

Weddings .... far more trouble than there worth. Its really difficult especially for Claire is it to say anything. I think the idea of the coach is a great idea, and i think you are right about her not being the centre of attention. It should run smothley on the day. I tink the issue of trying to keep her from making a fool out of herself will be a bit difficult but hopefully when the day arrives and it becomes more real then the problems will sort themselves out.
Is Marley excited about the wedding?

Normally when the bride or brides family is paying for the wedding, then the groom's family just fall in with whats happening. If she is insisting on an additional car, then she should pay for it, Obviously the bride and groom have a budget to stick to and she should be made aware of this. i know it's difficult when its family etc.. but it's Clare's day not hers. As others said, she will need to get back from the hotel at the end of the night, so how will she manage this, hire a cab.

I have 2 cousins getting married this year and neither of the grooms mothers are going to be going to the wedding in the bridal cars. This is never the case!! Usually there is one car for the bride and her father and one for the bridesmaids and the brides mother.

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Originally Posted by Katy

Weddings .... far more trouble than there worth. Its really difficult especially for Claire is it to say anything. I think the idea of the coach is a great idea, and i think you are right about her not being the centre of attention. It should run smothley on the day. I tink the issue of trying to keep her from making a fool out of herself will be a bit difficult but hopefully when the day arrives and it becomes more real then the problems will sort themselves out.
Is Marley excited about the wedding?

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Marley is over the moon at being a flower girl she has been looking at pictures on how she can have her hair and Claire is making a fuss over her by taking her shopping for her dress and shoes.

After the wedding family members will be spending the night at the castle as there is ten guest rooms then the coach will take them home in the morning, so my sister will have to go on the coach home. I just don't know what her problems is when her, my other sister and brother got married my mum went in a separate taxi she never shared any the wedding cars with the bridesmaids.

You need to try and not get too stressed out about it (easier said than done I know) otherwise you could end up coming off the wrong end of it all. Could somebody not speak to your sisters husband or partner (if she is with somebody) and maybe they could have a quiet word with her. If it can be handled diplomatically you could get the result everyone wants.

The groom should be telling his mother politely but firmly that it is his and his bride's day and that they are on a fixed budget and arrangements can't be altered. If she throws a strop and refuses to go then so be it, by the sound of it everyone will be better off if she's not there if she's inclined to get drunk.

Carol :cool:

I have to say I agree with the previous poster. The groom's mum - the grooms responsibility, he should speak to her. Don't get too stressed Kath - you have to enjoy the weekend - Marley a flower girl and staying in a castle - sounds fab!

I'd be wiser to discuss the arrangements collectively... From my experience, I remember that we needed to find a good service for photography in birmingham in no time. We found out about Poptop, but then again, we were not sure which exact photographer to invite. We asked our families for the help and were able to finally make our decision. We didn't try to have any arguments, just rational thinking and a bit of intuition. Everybody were happy and the photo set was great.