PinkFairy
02-06-2005, 19:27
Heres the follow up to goodbye, I hope you like it. This is the first part.
If you love somebody, set them free
Prologue
“Let me go back!” I yelled ferociously at the old woman in the navy knitted cardigan and the pleated skirt who looked at me sympathetically, knowing what I was going though however hard I tried to deny it, believing I was the first person to die. She looked at me in a mother-hen fashion, her eyes open with sympathy and care. I didn’t see this at the time, blind with pain I suppose. Instead I barked at her again, hoping that causing her pain would relieve me of mine in some ways. “Don’t you act like you know what I’m going through, I have had to leave the man I love behind and he needs me and I need him. I can’t live up here, I can’t, I need him! Let me go back you old witch!”
I began to run away out of the room, pushing the plastic green chairs like those in a classroom flying, knocking them with my fists, sending the sliding across the polished floor which emitted a large squeak that pained my already buzzing head which was overloaded with emotions. I just wanted to get out and go back home, back with Dennis. I ran as fast as I could across the enormous room which appeared to go on forever, tripping up several times but not caring in the slightest way, just wanting to be reunited with my darling, wanting to be held in his strong arms that protected me and created a safety blanket around my body. Instead I was going to never be able to speak to, or see him again. Why me, why did my life have to be cut so short? I carried on running until I heard a quiet yet reassuring voice come from the other end of the room. I quickly turned around, realising how far I had ran and I saw that the old lady who I had just shouted at was gesturing for me to come back, smiling in a friendly way, her warm, ocean blue eyes telling me to trust her, to let her lead the way. At first I stayed still, wanting to just run away and leave, but something deep inside me told me to go and talk to her, telling me that she could tell me things I needed to know. ‘You can't go back now’ that voice told me and the two wills battled before one won. I slowly walked back to her, trying to dodge all the chairs that I knocked over as I had run, beginning to feel guilty about the mess I had made.
The woman was like a typical grandmother should be; she had a permed style and her hair was whiter that I ever imagined a possible colour for hair, her skin was wrinkly yet she still twinkled with inner youth that shone through the worn and old skin. Her nose was perfect, neither too long or short, nor too thick or too narrow and her lips were plump despite her obvious old age. Her eyes were a beautiful blue colour like the ocean of a deep sea which held many secrets that took years to discover and still kept some hidden. Her eyes made her seem so inviting and made you feel safe, like she was going to protect you. I weakened and she spoke softly to me; “Thank you. Don’t worry it’ll be all right, I promise, I’m going to look after you now.” I began to sob and she walked towards me and began to give me a cuddle, wrapping her frail looking but strong arms around me. I bawled into her and she stroked my hair just like my dad did when I was upset. Between sobs I somehow managed to get out; “I miss him so much already! I just want him back.”
The woman ran her frail hands through my silky hair again and then held my face up so I could see her and she could look me in the eye. “Shh, I know, I know” She said in a comforting way. “Everyone's in the same boat here, we’ve all left people we love behind, we all have to look out for each other. I know you miss him, but I think there’s someone you would like to meet again.” She paused and looked behind her, making me advert my gaze to where she was looking. I gasped as I saw who it was smiling at me. For a moment stood still, too shocked to move but then I regained my strength and I once again ran, but this time into my mothers arms.
If you love someone, set them free
Part one
“The car lights blind me as they flash into my eyes, the unbearable light soaring to the back of my retina’s, making me feel as if my eyes were being burnt out. I close them tightly, trying to stop the pain – another fatal mistake that brings me closer than ever to the big gates that live high up in the sky. I realise what I have done and I quickly open my eyes, realising what danger I have put myself into but it’s too late. It’s always too late with me. I scream, seeing the car skidding towards me, the driver trying to brake so he wouldn’t knock me over but there is no use – it’s to late.
Time slows down in those fatal last moments, every second turns into hundreds of minutes, time ticking by so slowly so I can see ever last detail; the water on the ground splashing out to the sides of the wheels as it gets pushed out; the drivers expression of horror as he realises that he may become a murderer, his eyes ringed with fear and pain; I see the pigeons fly away from the car, scared that they will receive the same fate as me and last of all I see him, running towards me, trying to knock me out of the way, flying towards me like superman, trying to take my place. He was so heroic, he flew at me in front of the car but he didn’t succeed. He stumbled over, turning over and over, missing the car and falling to safety about a metre away. I can see him now looking up just in time to see me be hit by the car, my torso hitting the bonnet before I bounce off like a tennis ball onto the hard ground, my long hair fanned out across the grey wet floor, getting splattered with dirty rain water. I can remember so clearly the first tear the rolled down his face, so many emotions contained in one tiny little droplet, no wonder it fell so fast. I can see him run up, stumbling over to me like a drunk, and fall down beside me, he looks so sad, broken. He picks my head up so carefully, covering me in a sea of his tears that join up with the rain droplets that are falling down as well and soaking us through and through.
“No, no, wake up darling, wake up!” He sobs at me, kissing me on the lips and wrapping his arms around my limp body, trying to wake me up. I don’t though, I stay still like plank of wood, unable to move.
I can see the gathering crowds around the pair of us, I can see people crying and some pointing to their companions, and I can also see the driver rushing out his car and saying over and over again that it was an accident, I came out of nowhere, he was unable to stop. Dennis ignores him, still trying to wake me up, smothering me with kisses all over my face, telling me that he loves me, telling me to wake up.
I want to do so more than anything, I want to be able to open my eyes and tell him I love him back so much but I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Dennis, I didn’t mean to die!”
I am unable to continue all the emotion from the past seizes me around the neck and strangles me, making it impossible to talk at all. I sit there in the green plastic chair that looks like it belongs in the class room and I cry my heart out, wanting to get rid of all the pain that lives inside of me, that multiplies in my head until it is all I can think of, dancing in my eyes so I can see nothing but suffering. I can’t go on talking anymore, all I can do is cry.
Lily gets off of her chair and crouches down beside me and I can hear her worn bones creak as she does. She wraps her arms around me, a soothing feeling travelling from her fingertips into me, relieving me of some of my pain.
This is my first mediator session, which apparently is meant to help me get over some of the shock and pain from my death, help me get adjusted to my new life as an angel in heaven. Before I was very sceptical about it, I didn’t really see how it’s ever going to help me, talking to a complete stranger, however nice they might be. However, at the end of the hour I walk out feeling somehow a little lighter, calmer. I know it’s going to take time but I think I will survive, learn to stay alive in heaven, but I still worry about Dennis. How is he going to cope? Or will he find someone else? I can’t help but feel jealous at the feeling of this, however selfish it may seem. I want to know what he’s doing. A thought comes into my head and I turn around back to speak to Lily, who was now preparing the table’s and chairs for her next ‘patient’ who apparently is a man in his mid fifties. I ask Lily a question, hoping she will let me but she shakes her head, looking sympathetically at me, seeing my expression. “Not yet dear, just give it a little longer.” She says, pushing the chair under the table.
I walk out of the room and find my mum waiting for me, smiling, holding up her arm to link with mine.
“I think we have some catching up to do!” She says and I link arms with her, heading for one of the café’s. At least I hadn’t lost everything I suppose.
If you love somebody, set them free
Prologue
“Let me go back!” I yelled ferociously at the old woman in the navy knitted cardigan and the pleated skirt who looked at me sympathetically, knowing what I was going though however hard I tried to deny it, believing I was the first person to die. She looked at me in a mother-hen fashion, her eyes open with sympathy and care. I didn’t see this at the time, blind with pain I suppose. Instead I barked at her again, hoping that causing her pain would relieve me of mine in some ways. “Don’t you act like you know what I’m going through, I have had to leave the man I love behind and he needs me and I need him. I can’t live up here, I can’t, I need him! Let me go back you old witch!”
I began to run away out of the room, pushing the plastic green chairs like those in a classroom flying, knocking them with my fists, sending the sliding across the polished floor which emitted a large squeak that pained my already buzzing head which was overloaded with emotions. I just wanted to get out and go back home, back with Dennis. I ran as fast as I could across the enormous room which appeared to go on forever, tripping up several times but not caring in the slightest way, just wanting to be reunited with my darling, wanting to be held in his strong arms that protected me and created a safety blanket around my body. Instead I was going to never be able to speak to, or see him again. Why me, why did my life have to be cut so short? I carried on running until I heard a quiet yet reassuring voice come from the other end of the room. I quickly turned around, realising how far I had ran and I saw that the old lady who I had just shouted at was gesturing for me to come back, smiling in a friendly way, her warm, ocean blue eyes telling me to trust her, to let her lead the way. At first I stayed still, wanting to just run away and leave, but something deep inside me told me to go and talk to her, telling me that she could tell me things I needed to know. ‘You can't go back now’ that voice told me and the two wills battled before one won. I slowly walked back to her, trying to dodge all the chairs that I knocked over as I had run, beginning to feel guilty about the mess I had made.
The woman was like a typical grandmother should be; she had a permed style and her hair was whiter that I ever imagined a possible colour for hair, her skin was wrinkly yet she still twinkled with inner youth that shone through the worn and old skin. Her nose was perfect, neither too long or short, nor too thick or too narrow and her lips were plump despite her obvious old age. Her eyes were a beautiful blue colour like the ocean of a deep sea which held many secrets that took years to discover and still kept some hidden. Her eyes made her seem so inviting and made you feel safe, like she was going to protect you. I weakened and she spoke softly to me; “Thank you. Don’t worry it’ll be all right, I promise, I’m going to look after you now.” I began to sob and she walked towards me and began to give me a cuddle, wrapping her frail looking but strong arms around me. I bawled into her and she stroked my hair just like my dad did when I was upset. Between sobs I somehow managed to get out; “I miss him so much already! I just want him back.”
The woman ran her frail hands through my silky hair again and then held my face up so I could see her and she could look me in the eye. “Shh, I know, I know” She said in a comforting way. “Everyone's in the same boat here, we’ve all left people we love behind, we all have to look out for each other. I know you miss him, but I think there’s someone you would like to meet again.” She paused and looked behind her, making me advert my gaze to where she was looking. I gasped as I saw who it was smiling at me. For a moment stood still, too shocked to move but then I regained my strength and I once again ran, but this time into my mothers arms.
If you love someone, set them free
Part one
“The car lights blind me as they flash into my eyes, the unbearable light soaring to the back of my retina’s, making me feel as if my eyes were being burnt out. I close them tightly, trying to stop the pain – another fatal mistake that brings me closer than ever to the big gates that live high up in the sky. I realise what I have done and I quickly open my eyes, realising what danger I have put myself into but it’s too late. It’s always too late with me. I scream, seeing the car skidding towards me, the driver trying to brake so he wouldn’t knock me over but there is no use – it’s to late.
Time slows down in those fatal last moments, every second turns into hundreds of minutes, time ticking by so slowly so I can see ever last detail; the water on the ground splashing out to the sides of the wheels as it gets pushed out; the drivers expression of horror as he realises that he may become a murderer, his eyes ringed with fear and pain; I see the pigeons fly away from the car, scared that they will receive the same fate as me and last of all I see him, running towards me, trying to knock me out of the way, flying towards me like superman, trying to take my place. He was so heroic, he flew at me in front of the car but he didn’t succeed. He stumbled over, turning over and over, missing the car and falling to safety about a metre away. I can see him now looking up just in time to see me be hit by the car, my torso hitting the bonnet before I bounce off like a tennis ball onto the hard ground, my long hair fanned out across the grey wet floor, getting splattered with dirty rain water. I can remember so clearly the first tear the rolled down his face, so many emotions contained in one tiny little droplet, no wonder it fell so fast. I can see him run up, stumbling over to me like a drunk, and fall down beside me, he looks so sad, broken. He picks my head up so carefully, covering me in a sea of his tears that join up with the rain droplets that are falling down as well and soaking us through and through.
“No, no, wake up darling, wake up!” He sobs at me, kissing me on the lips and wrapping his arms around my limp body, trying to wake me up. I don’t though, I stay still like plank of wood, unable to move.
I can see the gathering crowds around the pair of us, I can see people crying and some pointing to their companions, and I can also see the driver rushing out his car and saying over and over again that it was an accident, I came out of nowhere, he was unable to stop. Dennis ignores him, still trying to wake me up, smothering me with kisses all over my face, telling me that he loves me, telling me to wake up.
I want to do so more than anything, I want to be able to open my eyes and tell him I love him back so much but I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Dennis, I didn’t mean to die!”
I am unable to continue all the emotion from the past seizes me around the neck and strangles me, making it impossible to talk at all. I sit there in the green plastic chair that looks like it belongs in the class room and I cry my heart out, wanting to get rid of all the pain that lives inside of me, that multiplies in my head until it is all I can think of, dancing in my eyes so I can see nothing but suffering. I can’t go on talking anymore, all I can do is cry.
Lily gets off of her chair and crouches down beside me and I can hear her worn bones creak as she does. She wraps her arms around me, a soothing feeling travelling from her fingertips into me, relieving me of some of my pain.
This is my first mediator session, which apparently is meant to help me get over some of the shock and pain from my death, help me get adjusted to my new life as an angel in heaven. Before I was very sceptical about it, I didn’t really see how it’s ever going to help me, talking to a complete stranger, however nice they might be. However, at the end of the hour I walk out feeling somehow a little lighter, calmer. I know it’s going to take time but I think I will survive, learn to stay alive in heaven, but I still worry about Dennis. How is he going to cope? Or will he find someone else? I can’t help but feel jealous at the feeling of this, however selfish it may seem. I want to know what he’s doing. A thought comes into my head and I turn around back to speak to Lily, who was now preparing the table’s and chairs for her next ‘patient’ who apparently is a man in his mid fifties. I ask Lily a question, hoping she will let me but she shakes her head, looking sympathetically at me, seeing my expression. “Not yet dear, just give it a little longer.” She says, pushing the chair under the table.
I walk out of the room and find my mum waiting for me, smiling, holding up her arm to link with mine.
“I think we have some catching up to do!” She says and I link arms with her, heading for one of the café’s. At least I hadn’t lost everything I suppose.