Aunt Sally
02-05-2005, 11:04
i really dont know if i'm doing the right thing by posting this, but i'm running out of options, and need some help, there isn't really any one i can turn to about this as it would mean they are involved more than they all ready are.
its my friend, she has been with her boyfriend for over a year and a half, and over that time she has become more and more withdrawn. we knew of her boyfriend before she started going out with him, at school he was the golden boy, captin of the football team and a straight A student, we all thought they were the perfect copuple, but recently the dynamics of their relationship has started to change, she doesnt wear make up or fashionable clothes anymore and she wont come shopping with us anymore, she goes with him instead.
Whenever we go out for a girls night he always turns up at some point, and is constantly texting and phoning her, once when her battery died he phoned up the pub she said she was in demanding to know why she had turned off her phone. She brushes it off by saying he just worries about her when she is out on her own.
If we go out in a group he constantly puts her down in public saying she's stupid etc, all she says she's lucky to have him and he puts up with so much from her.
The most worring this is she thinks this behaviour is normal and she finds it flattering. She also thinks it's proof he loves her, she wont here a bad word said about him, the really scary thing is she wants to move in with him, she has even said that she can't wait to have children with him.
my friend used to be bright and bubbly, she wanted to study law at university, but since she has been with him she has been bunking off college, and no longer wants to leave town.
mutual friends have tried to get her to see sence, but they just got a mouth full and basically told to piss off.
please help, i'm scared for my friends safety, she spends all her time at his flat, and barely sees her family (or me) anymore.
Please help
From what you have said it certainly seems like your friend might be in trouble with this boy, what you have to realise is that it needs to be her choice to leave or dump him, - she needs to see for herself what an idiot he is, trying to persuade her will only suceed in isolating her even more as she will turn against you for badmouthing him (like what happened with your friends)
All you can really do is offer her support and make it clear that she is not alone- she will always have you, she may think it is the end of the world if she leaves him, afterall from what you say he has done a pretty good job of isolating her from just about everyone, but you have to get through to her that things will get better, if they are good friends they will stick by her, exams can always been redone, it will be ok
should you have any further concerns email me
below is a list of help numbers and websites you could find useful
Feel free to add your own comments and opinions
Aunt Sally
24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline: 0808 2000 247 run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge
Samaritans - 0845 7909 090 / www.samaritans.org.uk
Get Connected (16-25 year olds) - 0808 808 4994 / www.getconnected.org.uk
Childline www.childline.org.uk (0800 1111)
NSPCC www.nspcc.org.uk (0808 800 5000)
its my friend, she has been with her boyfriend for over a year and a half, and over that time she has become more and more withdrawn. we knew of her boyfriend before she started going out with him, at school he was the golden boy, captin of the football team and a straight A student, we all thought they were the perfect copuple, but recently the dynamics of their relationship has started to change, she doesnt wear make up or fashionable clothes anymore and she wont come shopping with us anymore, she goes with him instead.
Whenever we go out for a girls night he always turns up at some point, and is constantly texting and phoning her, once when her battery died he phoned up the pub she said she was in demanding to know why she had turned off her phone. She brushes it off by saying he just worries about her when she is out on her own.
If we go out in a group he constantly puts her down in public saying she's stupid etc, all she says she's lucky to have him and he puts up with so much from her.
The most worring this is she thinks this behaviour is normal and she finds it flattering. She also thinks it's proof he loves her, she wont here a bad word said about him, the really scary thing is she wants to move in with him, she has even said that she can't wait to have children with him.
my friend used to be bright and bubbly, she wanted to study law at university, but since she has been with him she has been bunking off college, and no longer wants to leave town.
mutual friends have tried to get her to see sence, but they just got a mouth full and basically told to piss off.
please help, i'm scared for my friends safety, she spends all her time at his flat, and barely sees her family (or me) anymore.
Please help
From what you have said it certainly seems like your friend might be in trouble with this boy, what you have to realise is that it needs to be her choice to leave or dump him, - she needs to see for herself what an idiot he is, trying to persuade her will only suceed in isolating her even more as she will turn against you for badmouthing him (like what happened with your friends)
All you can really do is offer her support and make it clear that she is not alone- she will always have you, she may think it is the end of the world if she leaves him, afterall from what you say he has done a pretty good job of isolating her from just about everyone, but you have to get through to her that things will get better, if they are good friends they will stick by her, exams can always been redone, it will be ok
should you have any further concerns email me
below is a list of help numbers and websites you could find useful
Feel free to add your own comments and opinions
Aunt Sally
24 hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline: 0808 2000 247 run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge
Samaritans - 0845 7909 090 / www.samaritans.org.uk
Get Connected (16-25 year olds) - 0808 808 4994 / www.getconnected.org.uk
Childline www.childline.org.uk (0800 1111)
NSPCC www.nspcc.org.uk (0808 800 5000)