View Full Version : finish my sentance
<The idea is to add another sentence to mine, there for creating some sort of daft story>
it was the night of the oscars and as leo got ready he couldnt find his lucky pants so he had to make do with....
a pair of yellow pyjamas that he once wore when playing the oscar winning "bananas in pyjamas" role which told the story of how the mutant bananas came to rule the earth after humans nearly destroyed it.
he then rushed to the bathroom and spilt toothpaste all over his pj's now what would he do..he rushed out the bathroom and in the process of taking his bottoms off he tripped on....
and got his head stuck in the toilet and the only way out was to flush himself down...so he did and ended up...
grabbing the hair gel and rubbing it round the toilet and his head in a bid to loosen it...
but he couldn't so he thought to himself, "I need to call a plumber" luckily he had his voice activated, gps enabled, blue tooth, infra-red, large screen super speaker pay-as-you-go mobile and was an expert txtr and mngd 2 txt Oscar who told him......
he couldnt help but told him not too be late for tonight as its going to be 'his' night for the film the rave e ator.leo then decided to phone someone else,but who..
would be available at this time? all the other stars would be making their way to the show.....lets try judejude...no luck......lets try *JSW*....again no luck.....what about spud?......nooooooooooo is no one available.....they must be busy on spolierbaords....one last person if i am to get their on time.....otherwise all the practice "crying" when accepting the award will have gone to waste.....but again who could this person be?
chris rock!thats who!he grabbed the phone and explained to chris what had happened,chris thought it was hilarious and told leo he would add it to his list of jokes he had set up for tonight,he then decided to run through with leo all his jokes.leo tried interupting to tell him to come round and help him but chris babbled on and spoke so fast leo could barely get as word in edgeways until he shouted YOUR THE HOST,IM THE MAJOR STAR THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE RUINED IF WE DONT TURN UP NOW GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME OUT THIS DAMN TOILET! chris said 'oh yes good point,i dont wanna let em down this is a well paid job and i wanna do next year,sorry mate cant help il see you there........
I know I'll phone Mum. I remember Mum telling me that I got my head stuck in the toilet as a young kid and she managed to free me. Now what's her number? 0161 7332....or was it 7322....damn I'll have to phone directory enquiries....100? or was it 188...or 118.....? OK take it easy Leo. Take a deep breath.....or may be not.......think now....who can help me? That's it....Paul Daniels he's a good magician. Leo rings and Paul answers.....
hello?
hi paul its leo.hmmm leo who? dicaprio who else? hmm ok whats the magic word then? please? thankyou? i know! abracadbra! yes thats right says paul ok how can i help? leo explained what had happened and paul said hed be right over with his suitcase of magic tricks and his wand,saying 'we'l soon have you out!.......
Paul flew over immediatley on this dyson vac along with his box of tricks. He managed to locate Leo instantly and opened his box of tricks. First however he took out his health and safety manual and read it and asked Leo to sign a disclaimer.........
Leo:"Yes Paul! I haven't time to be messing about......get me outta here!!!!"
Paul:"Leo i have to follow rules. Rules are there to be followed"
Leo:"Paul! shut up and get me out!"
Paul:"Now now.......please wait.......where's that sledge hammer?"
Paul proceeded to hit the toilet and with one mighty swing cracked open the toilet and Leo was free. But wait what had happened to his head?
Rene Descartes
28-02-2005, 13:30
The once handsome Leo now looked like a clenched fist.
Paul opened his book of magic tricks....
Trick one - place paper bag on head.
Trick two - run and dont look back.
Leo was free but looked more like shrek!
Leo looked around and saw Paul flying off on his Dyson. Aarrrrrrrrgggggghhh!!! Leo saw himself in th mirror - "I look like a clenched fist" how am I ever going to collect this award - the oscars are for beautiful people. Its a shame Shrek collected his award last year - may be i can put a bag over my head? may be I can ...... no its useless. I'll have to phone the devil and sign my soul away (just like all the others at the oscars)..... . LEo gets on his mobile and taps away 0845 999 666 ......someone answers.....
Rene Descartes
28-02-2005, 14:44
Telephone Voice: "you rang M'Lord"
LEO: "What?....What number is this?"
Voice: "Why My Lord its 0845 999 666. The number of Beelzebub"
LEO: "Bumblebee Who?"
Voice: "You Know Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, The Lord Of Darkness, The Devil, Satan"
Leo: "Right.. Right.. Now why did you call me M'Lord"
Voice: " Have you forgotten Sire. For you are The Devil"
Leo faints for a few seconds before recovering
Leo: "you must have me mistaken. I cannot possibly be the devil. I am a Hollywood actor"
Voice: "Sire have you forgotten everything, are you feeling all right. Did you bump your head?"
Leo: "Well Umm... yes I did.."
Voice: "I am just flicking through the post it note you left me just in case you lost your memory or started to enjoy being a human too much. Ahh here it is . let me see now - in case of memory loss say Oscars backwards."
Leo turns around and says oscars. Nothing happens. "Nothing happened"
Voice: "No I mean say the word Oscars backwards. Thats SRACSO"
Leo: "SRACSO"
Whooosh. Leo remembers everything. The devil had hatched a most devious plan for world domination. He would become an actor and then work his way up in Hollywood by becoming an A list Star with great influence and power. Beeming himself into the theatre screens and living rooms of everyone. To complete his missions he would have to win an Oscar. For on the day he would win an Oscar the Devil would be able to raise his army of ghouls and goblins otherwise known as the Film Actors Guild (FAG).
What suprised the Devil was how meterioc his rise had been for what little acting talent he had.
he then realised, that all you need is good looks to be sucessfull in this business. acting talent means nothing if you've got pig **** for a face.
leo was now running late. he had a shower, put his sharpest suit on and ran off to the oscars to set his plan of world domination in motion
As he approached the building glued a picture of himself on to his "clinched fist" like face and ran inside. He looked lifeless but who cared it was Leo (the Satan).....and it was going to be his night. All the big celebs were there....
now which one should i be seen talking to as to make sure i am in the papers tomorrow whether i win a oscar or not.....
...but I must win....where's the hosts (the Beckhams)......if I can get them to look into my eyes i can put them into a trance or I have to get them to drink this magic potion. Leo tries to make his way to the Beckhams but keeps getting stopped by all the celebs he knows.....
just as he is finally within reaching distance brooklyn trips him up and he goes headfirst in to all the champagne!......
Mrs Beckham comes running over and apologises and falls into a trance immediately - she can't sing or dance any more (hmmmm?) - all she can say is "Leo!!". Just then Mr Beckham comes running over.......
.....as mr beckham rockets towards his wife and leo, he slips on the wet floor and falls backside over head and breaks his metatarsal bone in his foot again......
Rene Descartes
01-03-2005, 14:05
On stage there are The "Beckhams" and "Leo" (speachmarks for added emphasis)
Posh "And the winner for best Actor is..............David... David Beckham"
David "You mean me?"
Posh "yes, you David for your role as a failed footballer in Real Madrid the documentary"
Posh" wow. I never knew you were a footballer. How cool I'm married to a footballer. wait till i tell my friends"
Leo" WTF. How can David win. He wasn't even on the list of nominees"
Leo thought it was either the hand of god or Arnie had got his way again. He knew he should never have told Arnie he can't be Satan- that was his job!
cruz comes running to his dad (mr Beckham) and Leo steps back......"no no keep him away" he cries....
too late cruz was sick all over leo,you and your family are ruining my night sreamed leo'cruz is a girls name anyway leo says as he sticks his tongue out :p
"aaaaaaaargh! foul!" cries Mr Beckham. "Stop being so dramatic" says Mrs Beckham, "Come on lets get on stage." They hurry off leaving a trail of destruction behind them and 2 future English footballers and 1 future Spanish footballer (15 to 1 odds on ). Leo backs away from the junior Beckhams and takes a seat at the front of the hall.
sitting neatly in between kate winslet and jonny depp... hi kate 'nice to see you,how longs it been ?......
too long. Leo is thinking its because of the likes of kate and jonny that i cant ever win owt. How do i knock them off, get them out of the way....... i know i'll push them out of a taxi or shoot them....no but that won't work (look at dirty den).... poison? shower? i know i'll get them to sign up to play a part in the .....
new scorsese film gang bangs in los angeles....
in which someone gets shot at with live bullets....
yes thought leo a exvcellent role for kate...
and jonny to depart from hollywood. Then he could take the crown (after marrying a princess - shrek rip off) and become the King of Evil and rule the earth.....hahahaha......oh but wait, where in hell do i find a suitable princess to marry and gain my crown?.......Leo is inspired!...I know I'll....
"....look towards the music industry. theres alot of singers out there who love me..." leo smiles to himself,
"haha after all, me being the devil i can hear all those subliminal messages those singers hide in their songs for me".
leo now lost in a world of his own, is left pondering who he shall make his princess.
"which singer has shown the greatest love for me?......." he asks himself. leo then suddenly leaps out of his chair,
"marylin manson!... shes the one!"
confident with his choice leo starts to think of and evil plot to win his princesses heart, but poor leo little does he realise that marylin manson is a man......
*Bernard*
hint - he has to marry a princess in order to become a king ;)
"....look towards the music industry. theres alot of singers out there who love me..." leo smiles to himself,
"haha after all, me being the devil i can hear all those subliminal messages those singers hide in their songs for me".
leo now lost in a world of his own, is left pondering who he shall make his princess.
"which singer has shown the greatest love for me?......." he asks himself. leo then suddenly leaps out of his chair,
"marylin manson!... shes the one!"
confident with his choice leo starts to think of and evil plot to win his princesses heart, but poor leo little does he realise that marylin manson is a man......
off leo gallops on his horse to find marilyn at a gig in a mosh pit,come here fair marilyn leo cries,fair marilyn fair marliyn,come to thy leo! leo rethinks once marilyn turns round and winks at him,as leo then notes she has different colour very scary looking eyes........
Marilyn has now been possessed by the Virgin Mary.
"Why not take thee oh most wonderful God?"
"Why must sweet Marilyn become so so.......
well thats killed off this thread.
by the way i find the above post offensive.
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