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View Full Version : missed episodes ep 1



Bad Wolf
14-04-2005, 16:01
Footballers’ Wives kicks off its fourth season with a relaxing team holiday in Spain. The top quality golf courses and picturesque poolside villas make it the perfect way for the lads to unwind before the start of the season. On the golf course, Conrad has organised some sexy Cadettes who excitedly dish out the tequila. Bruno Milligan, the Sparks’ latest signing is as up for a laugh as the rest of the lads – what his wife Lucy doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
Tanya Turner returns unblemished after her spell in Larkhall prison. But she’s not the only one about to give birth. Amber is also carrying Conrad’s baby and, along with her dog Krishna, she is seriously getting on Tanya’s nerves. But Tanya has a secret fear that the baby is really Frank’s. Convinced that Conrad should never find out, she has a cunning plan up her sleeve and starts the ball rolling by crumbling up a mystery tablet into Amber’s drink.

Shannon has turned her back on the other wives since her split from Harley, but her career is not quite as glamorous as she’d hoped. Meanwhile, Hazel has organised a treat for the rest of the girls – a jewellery party for them to spend their husbands’ cash whilst they are away – but it turns into more of a treasure hunt than the wives expected. Lucy Milligan is less keen to spend Bruno’s money, but being separated from Conrad doesn’t stop Amber splashing out. Amber finds the hidden treasure and it sends her into a surprise early labour, a surprise that is for everyone but Tanya.

As the day moves on, the lads party. The Cadettes are up for a laugh and there’s booze and flirting by the hotel pool. Amber is in a different kind of pool – she’s determined to be an earth mother and have a water birth. Tanya’s not one to be left out and pays her consultant to do a caesarean there and then – but why would she want to have her baby same time as Amber? All becomes clear when Amber’s private midwife is revealed as none other than the sinister Nurse Dunkley! Amber is delighted when she gives birth to a bouncing baby boy, but her joy soon turns to concern when Nurse Dunkley rushes him away. Meanwhile, Tanya is disgusted at the sight of her baby, he’s Frank all over. It’s a good job that she’s arranged for Nurse Dunkley to swap Amber’s baby with hers – she will be the mother of Conrad’s son after all.

The antics by the pool are getting seriously steamy and Conrad, oblivious to the dramatic events back home, orders everyone back to his villa for some privacy. One of the Cadettes, Katie, or Barbarella as she is calling herself, is disappointed to see Harley with another girl, but soon finds consolation with Conrad. Bruno walks in on Katie and Conrad having sex and, impressed with what he sees, he approaches her later and suggests that she try out him and Darius as well. Katie is drunk enough to agree.

Later, Katie tries to leave the bedroom but is prevented from doing so by a man who goes on to rape her. In her drunken state she doesn’t see her attackers face.

As Conrad gets a call from Tanya to inform him that he is now the father of two sons, Harley sees a distressed Katie trying to sneak away. Shocked, he tries to help her but is haunted by what he sees in her eyes. When he and the lads are stopped from getting on the coach home, Harley begins to fear the worst – one of them raped Katie – but he keeps his council. Hazel doesn’t waste any time to jet over to Spain in order to sort out the mess. Although she is appalled by the state Katie is in, she is still able to overcome her moral judgement and persuade her to drop the case – who’ll believe her when she let them all take turns? The team are delighted when they discover that Hazel has got them all off the hook, but when they thank her, she doesn’t waste any time in revealing her true feelings of disgust.

Shannon goes to see Harley at his flat – she needs to know that it wasn’t him who raped the girl. Harley gives her the company line about the rape, but does admit to snogging someone that night. Although Shannon is clearly devastated by this news, it means that Harley has now equalled the score – all she did was kiss Darius – can’t they call it quits? Harley tells her that he thinks they’ve both changed too much for that.

Bruno isn’t pleased when Lucy asks about his involvement in the rape and so she quickly drops the subject. Later, when he returns from picking up their daughter, Angelica, from school, he quizzes Lucy about the mileage on the car and then dials 1471 to check out who she has been speaking to while he’s been away.

The rape is in the forefront of everyone’s mind. The team are so unsettled that they suffer a crushing defeat at home. Noah, who has recently seen the homophobic attackers who beat him up last series get sent to jail, is still suffering a barrage of insults on the pitch. Darius, as insensitive as ever, demonstrates to Noah what inside, he knew already – the world of football isn’t ready for an openly gay player.

Roger hasn’t escaped the fall-out from Spain. Jackie is fed up with being treated like his PA and tells him so. Realising that he is on the verge of losing her, Roger shocks her with a marriage proposal.

When Hazel sets up a positive publicity stunt for the lads with some children, Noah is shocked to hear a PR woman telling Hazel that he shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the kids. Meanwhile, when a young helper cracks on to Harley, it emphasises to him the shallow world that he lives in and he resolves to do something about it. While Harley finally reconciles with Shannon, Noah stumbles across a group of people who might be able to help him exorcise his demons – a ministry who claim that they are able to cure homosexuality!

Tanya begins to panic when Hazel notices that her baby son, Troy, is looking a bit brown. She knows that Amber has done a paternity test on Troy and won’t feel safe until the results come back. In the meantime, she persuades Nurse Dunkley to cover Pundarik (her real baby) in fake tan to make him look darker like Amber. Tanya tries her best to look lovingly at Troy, but every time she looks over at Pundarik, she sees Frank staring back at her. Amber’s dog, Krishna, is getting jealous of the attention that his mistress is giving to her baby.

Over in Spain, Katie has seen the press from the publicity stunt and has made her mind to do something about it. She dyes her hair and books herself onto a flight to England.

The results from the paternity test arrive and Amber holds her breath as Conrad opens the envelope. As he and Tanya thought, they prove that Troy is his son. But then they are disturbed by a dreadful scream. Nurse Dunkley stands over Pundarik’s crib where all that can be seen is a still baby arm under a mound of dog. Krishna has smothered Pundarik.

Memorable Moments

Amber – “Conrad hasn’t married you yet.”
Tanya – “Yeah, well at least he hasn’t divorced me.”

Tanya – “Limo’s due at one if you’re hoping for a lift to lunch.”
Amber – “A lift? Who the hell do you think you are?”
Tanya – “Tanya Turner sweetheart. Conrad’s girlfriend and mother of his unborn son and heir.”
Amber – (Points to stomach) “So what’s this then?”
Tanya – “Just another ligger.”

Noah – “You’re the one who said I should keep it to myself.”
Hazel – “That was a long time ago sweetheart…before you knobbed a rent-boy in front of The News of the World.”

Darius – “I’ll toss.”
Harley – “It’s what you’re best at.”

Hazel – “When Webbsy told the boys they could stay in Spain for a bonding session after all their hard work…”
Tanya – “Bonding my ****!”
Jackie – “Hard work my ****! They kick a ball about H, that sound hard to you girls?”

Amber – “I can’t believe she’s having a caesarean now, she knows I’m in labour.”
Dunkley – “Her little one’s in distress.”
Amber – “So would you be if you were her baby.”

Dunkley – “Spit of his father isn’t he?”
Tanya – “Yeah well, I just hope little Poppadom or whatever she’s called him doesn’t start looking like his. As much as you may have found him attractive, Amber might start asking questions if she’s singing lullabies to some big fat bloater with a Brummie accent.”

Conrad – “Hazel, we just want to say thank you for all your support and for getting it over with so quickly.”
Bruno – “And for believing us.”
Hazel – “You don’t want to know what I believe you bunch of low-life ****-heads. I saw that girl right and one of you is a sick *******, the rest of you are pathetic cowards for keeping it schtum.”
Conrad – “If that’s what you think, then why did you defend us?”
Hazel – “Because I ain’t gonna get shafted as well as that poor bitch. And she’d’ve been torn apart by the press for believing she’s still got the right to say no. So you smile for the cameras when you get home and I’ll try to mop up what’s left of your stinking reputations. But one day, when you’re no good at kicking balls anymore, I hope your own shrivel up in shame and drop off.”

Darius – “It’s easy for you mate, you weren’t even in Spain.”
Noah – “Nah, I just have to put up with the rest of it…how would you like half the stadium shouting fudge-packer at you?”
Darius – “Well at least that’s true.”