PinkFairy
04-04-2005, 11:14
I was really bored yesterday so I wrote this. Sorry it's a bit weird!
Trouble, One parter
I lie down on the bed, at first trying to keep my eyes open, for I know that if I close my eyes the memories will come again; flooding in, reminding me of what I have lost and all the terrible mistakes I have made in the past. However, I have done this too many times, and though my mind is trying to stop it, my eyes do the opposite and I quickly fall into a deep slumber.
I feel myself falling, and in my mind I can picture myself dropping through all the experiences I have had in my lifetime. As I pass the good memories I try and grab them with my hands yet I am falling too fast. No matter how hard I try I can not reach them, it is as if the harder I try to reach them the faster I fall.
I feel myself stop and I open my eyes. I am in Dot and Jim’s house and I can see myself talking to Sharon. I see her talking to me, and she is beginning to cry. I want to go and hold her, to tell her that want her yet I can't.
“You want me, like Vicki and dad, like family, and you want that more than you want just you and me?”
I begin to answer no but then I realise that she can’t hear me. I can’t bear to watch what I know I will say next, knowing that the reply will hurt Sharon in ways which I never imagined possible.
“Yes.” Just that one word had ruined everything, just one word could do so much damage.
‘Oh lord I see,
I spider’s web is tangled up with me,
And I’ve lost my head,
With the thought of all the stupid things I’ve said.’
I then feel myself falling again; slipping away from the house and into somewhere else. I ma now in the Vic and I realise that it is Christmas day. Once again I am with Sharon and she is crying; tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. I want to cuddle her and tell that I am here but I can’t. She is telling me how she thinks she should go to America by herself. I once again experience the wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach, torn between what to do. I watch myself, I look broken like I a puzzle with the main piece missing.
“Please don’t say I’m the only one who’s feeling this.” Sharon say’s, walking towards me. Her voice sounding broken and sad.
“You're not.” I reply beginning to cry.
If only I had known then that Zoë wasn’t pregnant, if only I had know what my dad really was. But should I blame it on others, or was all the times I had hurt Sharon been my own fault. I could of stopped it couldn’t I? Maybe that’s all I do. Wreck people. People are fine until me then I pull their lives apart, taking away any love tat they had. I had made my mum’s life awful, making her mad and now Sharon had lost everything and was all alone.
‘A spiders web with me in the middle,
So I twist and turn.’
I once again feel myself falling yet I keep going though I can see clear images in my mind flashing pictures of all the times I have hurt Sharon, and they become uncountable. I want them to stop. I know what an awful cold-blooded person I am. I put all my force on clearing my mind but nevertheless it makes no difference. I am about to stop trying and just let this power overtake my when everything stops. I lie there not knowing what has happened then it dawns upon me. I am dead…
‘And I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And if I ever caused you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong.’
Trouble, One parter
I lie down on the bed, at first trying to keep my eyes open, for I know that if I close my eyes the memories will come again; flooding in, reminding me of what I have lost and all the terrible mistakes I have made in the past. However, I have done this too many times, and though my mind is trying to stop it, my eyes do the opposite and I quickly fall into a deep slumber.
I feel myself falling, and in my mind I can picture myself dropping through all the experiences I have had in my lifetime. As I pass the good memories I try and grab them with my hands yet I am falling too fast. No matter how hard I try I can not reach them, it is as if the harder I try to reach them the faster I fall.
I feel myself stop and I open my eyes. I am in Dot and Jim’s house and I can see myself talking to Sharon. I see her talking to me, and she is beginning to cry. I want to go and hold her, to tell her that want her yet I can't.
“You want me, like Vicki and dad, like family, and you want that more than you want just you and me?”
I begin to answer no but then I realise that she can’t hear me. I can’t bear to watch what I know I will say next, knowing that the reply will hurt Sharon in ways which I never imagined possible.
“Yes.” Just that one word had ruined everything, just one word could do so much damage.
‘Oh lord I see,
I spider’s web is tangled up with me,
And I’ve lost my head,
With the thought of all the stupid things I’ve said.’
I then feel myself falling again; slipping away from the house and into somewhere else. I ma now in the Vic and I realise that it is Christmas day. Once again I am with Sharon and she is crying; tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. I want to cuddle her and tell that I am here but I can’t. She is telling me how she thinks she should go to America by herself. I once again experience the wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach, torn between what to do. I watch myself, I look broken like I a puzzle with the main piece missing.
“Please don’t say I’m the only one who’s feeling this.” Sharon say’s, walking towards me. Her voice sounding broken and sad.
“You're not.” I reply beginning to cry.
If only I had known then that Zoë wasn’t pregnant, if only I had know what my dad really was. But should I blame it on others, or was all the times I had hurt Sharon been my own fault. I could of stopped it couldn’t I? Maybe that’s all I do. Wreck people. People are fine until me then I pull their lives apart, taking away any love tat they had. I had made my mum’s life awful, making her mad and now Sharon had lost everything and was all alone.
‘A spiders web with me in the middle,
So I twist and turn.’
I once again feel myself falling yet I keep going though I can see clear images in my mind flashing pictures of all the times I have hurt Sharon, and they become uncountable. I want them to stop. I know what an awful cold-blooded person I am. I put all my force on clearing my mind but nevertheless it makes no difference. I am about to stop trying and just let this power overtake my when everything stops. I lie there not knowing what has happened then it dawns upon me. I am dead…
‘And I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And if I ever caused you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong.’