View Full Version : To The Waters and The Wild (Jakissie)
BlackKat
17-07-2005, 16:07
New fic, set after Jake left. Not sure how many parts there'll be, but there shouldn't be many. The title is from The Stolen Child by W.B. Yeats.
To The Waters and the Wild
Part I
It takes a month before Chrissie will take the test – not even going to the doctor, just a simple pee on a stick test. She knows what it will say, but still decides it can’t be true.
She wants to keep that night to herself – special, and hidden. She wants no consequences of it, (except for the burning in her gut that twists when she thinks of him.) She does not want it made solid, tangible. She wants it to stay a dream.
That’s where she wants the story to end – not here. She doesn’t want to be sat on the toilet, barefoot and crying, as a faint blue line appears, and the sound of a tolling bell ringing through her head.
**
Sharon asks her if anything’s wrong, every morning, like a ritual. And Chrissie says of course not, why? And Sharon shrugs and smiles and goes back to planning this damn wedding, and Chrissie wants to scream and cry and throw up, in that order.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when she pretends that Jake never left, she is happier than she has ever been. A baby is growing inside of her, finally, and she puts her hand on her stomach, even though there’s nothing there to feel yet, and thinks ‘God, I have never loved anything more,’ because there is a part of him inside her, and he has given her more than anyone else ever has.
But then, she remembers that Jake has gone, and she is left, alone and pregnant, and a murderer.
**
Eventually, when nothing seems to be happening, and she realises that it isn’t going to go away, she tells Sharon.
She tells Sharon that she was stupid, and naïve, and let herself hope which is always always dangerous. Well…she edits some bits out. Like the bits that reveal the fact that she has feelings and emotions, because that’s dangerous as well.
And Sharon hovers in between congratulations and pity, and Chrissie wants to smack her, because this isn’t something to be pitied, this baby isn’t something to feel sorry about, but then again it’s not something to be happy about either, so what is it.
“Chrissie…you have to tell Jake,” Sharon says. “You know you do.”
She’s wrong there as well though, because Chrissie doesn’t have to tell Jake. She won’t tell Jake. She won’t be like Danny, and Johnny, and everyone else, and hold a gun to his head, and drag him back to her, and make him give things up for her, for some outdated idea of honour and duty.
Also, she is selfish. She doesn’t want him to come back for a baby. She wants him to come back for her, and she wants to know that is his only reason.
**
But eventually she does, because it’s showing now, just a little, and people will begin to notice and Alfie isn’t that self-involved, and Jake can’t hear about it from someone else, so she has to tell him.
She takes the little folded square of paper out of her drawer that Alfie had given her, a row of numbers scrawled out messily, with J&D written above them. (As if she cares about Danny. Why should she care about Danny when it was Danny who took him away from her? That’s unfair she knows, but she still thinks it.)
She takes the phone into her bedroom, sits on her bed, and tries not to think about the short time he was lying beside her, because that’s what got her here in the first place.
“The number you have called is no longer in service.”
It should not hurt the way it does. As far as Jake is concerned, he has no obligation to her, nothing that ties them together.
But it feels like a betrayal. He has always been there, even when she pushed him away. And now the one time she is reaching out for him, he is nowhere to be found.
Hope you like it. :)
awww poor chrissie! :( jake had better come back!!
more soon please!!! :cheer:
Wow! That was amazing! I'm close to tears! Post more soon, please :)
BlackKat
17-07-2005, 18:27
Thankies.
Part II
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. She has always wanted children, but not like this. Happily married, with a few years gone by, with a house with a mortgage, and a little back garden with a swing. Somewhere away from here. Somewhere happy. But not like this.
She mentions to Alfie, subtly in passing (she hopes) about trying to phone Jake. And he comes into the Vic in the evening and shrugs, says he can’t find anything out, but he’s sure they’re fine, they always manage to land on their feet.
Well, that's all well and good, she thinks, but what about her, and what about the small, twisted feeling in her gut that something’s happened that she still has.
**
“Where is Jake anyway?” Sharon asks, and Chrissie realises with a jolt that as far as the rest of the square is concerned Jake and Danny just up and left one day for no reason whatsoever.
Chrissie twists her wedding ring around her finger and looks down at the table. “He just…had some family stuff to take care off.”
“Danny you mean. Honestly.” She pauses. “Chrissie, have you told him?”
“Not yet.” Chrissie smiles tightly. “But I will.”
**
Every Thursday Sharon looks after the Vic, and Chrissie takes the tube into the city to look at the shops. She only means to look for herself, but ends up wandering into Mothercare, and wanders around all the prams, and cots and highchairs, and she feels a deep ache in her. She thinks of a little boy with his grin, or a little girl with blue eyes, and she can’t help but smile so much that the staff on checkout must think she’s as high as a kite when all she buys is a little teddybear and murmurs that it’s for her niece.
**
It’s the heat that gets to her. It’s just her luck for it to be summer. Her clothes stick to her like a second skin, and her feet ache. Sharon tells her not to work so much, it’s not good for her she says. And she’s forbidden from going up stepladders, and changing the barrel, and sometimes all she can think is “You *******.”
She’s slowly building up a collection of teddy bears and bibs and babygrows. She doesn’t dare buy the big stuff, but the little stuff is okay. She can push it down into the bottom of her shopping bags and only bring them out when she’s on her own.
She’s realising now, how little she actually knows about Jake. She doesn’t know where he was born, or where he grew up, or his favourite colour. She has no place she can go to in five years time and say, “Look darling, this is where your daddy was born.”
It’s strange to think of him – going about his life. Flirting with other girls, and maybe falling in love with them, and all the time unaware of what he’s left behind.
But the number is out of service, and something must have happened, because people don’t just vanish.
Not without help.
---
:) More soon, either tonight or tomorrow most likely.
Poor Chrissie :crying:
Post more soon :)
This is so fab. Poor Chrissie, I hope she can get hold of Jake. You have post more of this really soon, please.
xxx
di marco
18-07-2005, 08:47
fab! :D wow that is great! poor chrissie, shes having a baby, but wheres jakey, he has to come back! :) more very very very soon please, cant wait
EastendersRox
18-07-2005, 16:37
Poor Chrissie - fab script all the same!
WOW Kat babes this is amazing Poor Chrissie please let Jake come back wonderfully written and a top class script
BlackKat
18-07-2005, 19:39
Thanks guys. *hug* Jake does make an appearance next part I promise. :)
squillyfer
18-07-2005, 19:43
more more!!!!!
Angeldelight
19-07-2005, 19:13
no no no... you can't leave it like that... what is she guna do? what's Jake guna say?... this is amazing... i mean wow... can just imagine it all as episodes... please post more... more more more...
Come on! Post some more soon please! :)
BlackKat
20-07-2005, 19:19
Another shortish part. But it has Jakey!
Part III
It’s Thursday. She’s sitting in the kitchen, fanning herself with a leaflet from the hospital, when the telephone starts ringing.
She knows it’s him before he even speaks, but she doesn’t let herself say anything.
“Chrissie?” He asks. “It’s…um, it’s Jake.”
She sits up straight, and shuffles all her leaflets together before pushing them out of sight, even though he’s on the other end of the phone and miles away. She nods slowly. “Hi.”
“Alfie said…” She’s going to kill him. “He said you were trying to get in touch.”
She pauses. “Is that all he said?”
“Yeah. Just that you wanted to talk to me. Is everything okay?” He starts speaking faster, but it’s slightly garbled, as if he’s talking with a bust lip. And there’s a little hitch in his breath like he’s in pain. In the background, she can hear voices, and the noise of a siren.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Um, yeah. I’m sorry, about going MIA. There was some trouble…we had to get out the flat pretty quick, and we didn’t really have time to…” He sounds tired, and he sounds like he’s hurting. He sounds sad. “Chrissie, about…I didn’t want to leave, alright? And I know, you probably don’t want to know, but…”
“Was it Johnny?”
“What?”
“You said there was some trouble. Was it Johnny?”
“No. No, it was nothing. Just something Danny…” He stops, and swallows. “I sorted it out, but we had to move about a bit, so I couldn’t get in touch.”
“Are you sure? You sound…”
“Danny got in some trouble,” he’s quieter than usual. “And I had to sort it out.”
“Oh. Right.” She feels sick.
“Is everything okay?”
She needs to tell him. She wants to tell him. She wants to tell him that she’s happy and scared and panicking, and sometimes it feels like she’s been torn in two.
“Chrissie?” She hears something smash, and Jake takes the phone away from his mouth, shouts Danny’s name.
“Actually…there’s something I wanted to talk about.”
“Hmm?”
“It’s about that night. That you left.” Silence. “Jake,” she says. “Jake, I’m pregnant.”
A whispered, ‘oh, god,’ and then silence. God?, she thinks. What does God have to do with anything.
“Do you…do you want me to…I’ll come back, okay?”
“You don’t have to. I don’t want you to if you don’t want to.”
“I do.” He smiles a little, she can hear it. “I’ll phone back tonight, okay, and we’ll talk about it. But I’m going to come back.”
“Okay,” she whispers. “And Jake?”
“Yeah?”
"I missed you."
He murmurs something she can't quite catch, and then he's gone. And, she thinks, maybe everything will be okay. He'll make it okay, she thinks.
----
Decided how it's gonna end, and there shouldn't be too many more parts. :D
Awww! Jakey's coming back! That was excellent! I need to know what happens so please post more soon :)
post more please honey, just read fab!
xxx
Please post more. Jakes on his way back. I hope this is happy ending. More please
xxx
awwww bless you darling this is fab Jakey's comng back yay more soon please
wow wee thats amazing yay yay yay more more more
More please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great script.
BlackKat
26-07-2005, 20:31
Thanks everyone. :)
Sorry for the wait -- the next part is written, I just need to transfer from paper to computer and do the final edit thing. It should be up tomorrow. You all have permission to like kill me or something if it isn't, lol.
Thanks again, love you all.
Jessie Wallace
26-07-2005, 23:48
Oh, i can't wait til the next part.
BlackKat
27-07-2005, 17:27
Part IV
The first few weeks that Jake’s living at the Vic it’s as awkward as hell. They skirt around each other saying please and thank you, like complete strangers. They sleep in the same bed, just not together, and sometimes Chrissie thinks he may as well move back in with Alfie and Nana. She never says anything though, because she needs him close by, because sometimes that’s the only way she can believe he’s here. She wonders if it tires him out – people clinging onto his sleeve all the time.
After a week Sharon decides her and Dennis are going to move in with Pauline – “to give you two some privacy,” she smiles.
Chrissie’s been wanting to get rid of them for weeks but as soon as they’re gone she wants them back because at least then there was an excuse for this wall that seems to have sprung up between her and Jake during his absence.
**
She doesn’t dare ask what happened while he was away. She knows something happened because when he came back he still had fading bruises on his face, and it still takes him a second to catch his breath when someone jostles his ribs.
He helps out behind the bar sometimes, and Johnny comes in with Tina and orders drinks like everything’s normal. Johnny seems wary around Jake though, and Chrissie doesn’t know why.
**
It’s not all bad though. Sometimes, in the corner of her eye she catches him looking at her, with this look in his eyes, like she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Or she’ll be standing in the kitchen and he’ll come up behind her, curl an arm around her waist, and place his palm on her stomach and everything will be so still and quiet and perfect.
**
Almost exactly 3 weeks since Jake came back to her, he gets a call from Maxwell. He doesn’t say anything while he’s on the phone, just stares at the wall. Chrissie’s sitting at the kitchen table eating yoghurt. The spoon taps against the side of the pot and it sounds too loud, so she stops and holds it still and just sits watching.
Jake nods once, very quickly, and then says, “Can you just tell him I’ll be there as soon as I can.” There’s a pause, and then he utters a quiet thank you before putting the phone back on the hook.
He stands for a while and Chrissie is hesitant to speak but eventually she asks, “Danny?”
Jake turns around and kneels down beside her chair. He reaches up a hand to cup the side of her face and says “I need…I have to.”
“Danny,” she says again, but it’s not a question this time. Jake nods and he looks like he’s trying not to cry. She’s starting to get a sense of déj* vu and it looks like Jake is to, because suddenly he’s clutching at her and saying “I’m going to come back I promise. It’s only a few days.”
Then he pulls away from her and walks his fingers over her stomach, and she gasps. He’s staring at it, just amazed, and he says “I love you,” and Chrissie isn’t sure whether he’s talking to her or the baby.
**
The first night he’s gone Chrissie prowls around the Vic in the dark, feeling like an intruder, a ghost. She doesn’t go in the cellar, but she thinks she can still feel it around her. The air’s cold and damp like a fog. It can’t be Den though, she thinks, because there’s no anger or bitterness, just sadness. The next morning she realises she’s just been silly, and it’s only because she’s missing Jake, but she can’t stand with her back to an open doorway without getting a chill up her spine.
**
Jake’s gone three days and when he does come back it’s in the middle of the night. She hears his key in the lock, and turns the bedside light on, but still starts when he appears in the bedroom doorway. His eyes are red and swollen like he’s been crying and when he says “Hi,” he can barely get it out.
Chrissie sits up in bed and says, “Come here,” and Jake crosses over to the bed and curls up beside her.
“Is Danny okay?” She asks. “Is everyone okay?”
He nods his head and suddenly he’s crying and gasping for breath all at the same time. All he can get out is sharp bursts of words that don’t make any sense. Eventually he manages to calm down and looks up at her. “I can’t do it anymore,” he says. “I can’t.”
“You don’t have to. It’s not your fault. Danny’s not your responsibility.”
“I’m sorry I left,” he says, and suddenly he’s kissing her, really kissing her, and saying “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry,” and she can hardly breathe.
Angeldelight
27-07-2005, 19:12
wow... wow... wow... this is brilliant... fabulous... please post more... more more more...
squillyfer
27-07-2005, 20:14
More more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more (Err do you get it now lol)
Poor Jake. Glad he's come back properly now. Fabby. More please
xxx
He said "I love you" :wub:! Amazing yet again :)!
Please post more soon!
BlackKat
28-07-2005, 20:42
Thanks guys. :D I'll try and have the next part up soon.
Brilliant superb and utterly perfect can't wait for the next part
squillyfer
30-07-2005, 22:51
two words : More now!!!
BlackKat
03-08-2005, 17:49
Sorry for the wait again. :)
Part V
They have a routine that they settle into. Things are better since that night. Not perfect, but better. They can talk to each other again, like they used to. He makes her laugh again.
She isn’t stupid, she doesn’t delude herself. Jake is not the first person she has ever loved, and maybe he won’t be the last. She’s not even sure she does love him. If she does, she decides, it’s a different kind of love. It’s fragile. Easily broken, and woven in fine strands of glass. But beautiful too, bathed in fractured light.
Loving Den was like a wound, where long after the original injury has occurred the scar remains. Worn proud, like a brand.
She can’t decide which she prefers.
She loves this baby though, oh god she does, and it kind of means she has to love Jake, because the baby’s a part of her, and Jake’s a part of it. (And when it gets too hot at night they’ll throw the covers of the bed, he’ll curl around her, they’ll breathe in the night air, and maybe she loves him for that as well.)
**
The wedding comes and goes. She can’t get into the outfit she wanted to wear so she has to splash out on a maternity one which annoys her. It takes her hours to find one who likes, and Jake’s no help at all because he just says she looks good in anything. And the shoes hurt her feet and for once she wishes she could wear trainers.
Jake sits next to her and squirms all the way through. She thinks it’s the suit, and wonders whether he wanted to wear trainers as well. They could have come as a matched pair. She smiles a little at that, and Jake turns to her and smiles back, tickles her palm with her finger, and she forgives him for not helping her pick a outfit.
**
So, the little moments are okay. It’s just that they don’t have many big moments. Or big anything. Like they’ve never actually talked about the fact that she’s pregnant, or what that means. She just told him she was, and he just said “Okay, I’ll come back.” And she doesn’t like it, because it makes her feel like an obligation. And he said ‘I love you’ once, but he hasn’t said it since.
**
“I was thinking,” she says one morning, “of selling up. The Vic, I mean. And maybe we could move somewhere else.” She frowns at him. “What do you think?”
Jake shrugs. “Why?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking about it for a while. And…I think it might be better for us to go somewhere else.”
He crawls back onto the bed. “Are you happy?” And he looks so lost, like if he can’t make her happy then what else can he do. And it’s a little daunting, when he looks at her like that, she just nods and smiles and says, “Yes. Look, just ignore me alright. We better go and open up.”
**
She doesn’t know how it happens. She isn’t even sure there’s a how involved. She’s in the hallway getting a bag of crisps for a customer, when there’s this pain, right in her stomach like she’s been stabbed. And she remembers Jake’s hand on her forehead and him saying something over and over, and someone screaming.
That’s it. She doesn’t remember the rest.
----
this is fabbie babes and well worth the wait please please post more this script is superb
squillyfer
03-08-2005, 18:43
more asap
Angeldelight
03-08-2005, 18:47
what... what... what... you can't leave it like that... NOOOOoooooooooooooooo... come back right this minute and post some more... is she having the baby? WOW... WOW... i hope they start getting on better... THEY LOVE EACHOTHER...
Didn't mind waiting for that, it was really good. What's going on the with the baby? Please post more soon, I love all your scripts
xxx
Wow! What happening? Is she having the baby?? Post more soon please! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED!
~*~Leanne~*~
07-08-2005, 19:50
these are great
ameliauk1
09-08-2005, 19:09
more please this is fab xxx
BlackKat
27-08-2005, 20:02
Thanks for the comments, and sorry it took so long. And...sorry. Please don't hate me.
Part VI
She wakes up in a hospital bed. Jake’s sitting in a chair beside the bed, his hand clutching hers, slumped forward, asleep.
There aren’t any doctors around, but she doesn’t need one. The baby’s gone.
She doesn’t want to wake Jake up, but his head’s resting on his hand and it’s heavy, so she moves her hand and he wakes up with a start.
He looks around, then sighs quietly and brushes her hair away from her face. “How do you feel?”
Chrissie tries to smile and says, “Oh, I’m just fine sweetheart,” but then regrets it when he flinches. “The baby?” she asks, even though she knows. She needs to hear someone say it, and doesn’t think she can.
Jake shakes his head, and looks away. “The doctor said that it’s…that we couldn’t have done anything or…”
“Just one of those things,” Chrissie says, and then bursts into tears. Jake sits beside her on the bed and holds her, rocks her back and forth saying “It’s gonna be okay, we’ll be okay, we’ll get through this, I promise,” but she can’t stop crying.
**
She does eventually. Soon she’s too exhausted to do anything other than stop crying, and she falls into a restless sleep.
She wakes up empty. Like she’s cried everything out of her, and now there’s nothing left. She feels like something’s been torn out of her. But then, she supposes, something has.
Jake isn’t in the room, but a doctor is, and she’s startled when he tells her she’ll be able to go home in a few hours, providing she feels strong enough. She looks at the clock and realises it’s morning. It’s a bright, sunny day. She should find it beautiful. She doesn’t.
Jake comes in Johnny’s car to pick her up. He says it’s okay, she doesn’t have to come home straight away. Chrissie shrugs, says it’s okay, she wants to get back to normal.
So, with a bunch of pamphlets clutched in her hand, and the reminder about her checkup in Jake’s pocket, they pull away from the hospital carpark.
Less then 24 hours, she thinks. Less than 24 hours ago she was…no. She doesn’t think.
She stares out the window, let’s everything wash over her. She feels nothing. Jake’s hand rests on her knee. He stares straight ahead. The other hand grips the steering wheel, his knuckles are turning white. She feels nothing.
**
In the middle of the night, Chrissie gets up and crosses to the window. Jake stood here once, she thinks. Stood and looked out at a house on fire. She remembers. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Behind her, she hears Jake wake up. She turns around and he’s sitting up and he looks so young. “Chrissie,” he says. “Come back to bed.”
She doesn’t move.
“Please. Just come back.”
**
“Maybe you should go back,” she says, a few weeks after, at breakfast and Jake looks up, confused. She shrugs. “To Danny. He’s your brother, Jake. He’s your family.” She pauses. “And now you don’t have a reason to be here so…”
“I’ve got you,” he says quietly.
She doesn’t say anything else. She doesn’t say that she once entertained the idea that she could be his family, because that’s all gone now. Danny was enough to get him to leave, and the baby was enough to bring him back, but Chrissie doesn’t seem to factor into any of it.
And it’s only a matter of time before he goes, she thinks. So, later, when Jake’s at work, she packs her bags, because Jake isn't the only one who can leave, and this time she isn’t going to be the one left behind.
squillyfer
27-08-2005, 21:29
i dont hate you this script is great ant that was worth the wait poor chrissie!!! more asap
wow wow this is so brill and poor Chrissie she's leaving him I hope Jake finds her please post more soon it's fabbie
Poor Chrissie, I can see why she's leaving him, but I hope Jake finds her a.s.a.p More soon please
xxx
Angeldelight
28-08-2005, 15:39
WOW WOW... amazing... fabarooney... no she can't leave.. they need to get through this... she loves him.. he loves her... where's the problem... he's such an idiot... COME BACK CHRISSIE... more more more...
diamond1
28-08-2005, 23:30
yeah really this is so good im always reading blackkats scripts they are class
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Chrissie, don't leave! You love Jake and he loves you so don't do this! More soon :)
BlackKat
29-08-2005, 16:23
Thanks guys. :cheer: Last part coming soon (hopefully, if I can get my butt in gear, :lol: )
And great to see you back Amber. Hope you had a nice time. :D
And great to see you back Amber. Hope you had a nice time. :D
I did thanks :D
Are you going to do anymore its brill please please please please please please please do more! Its really really good!
Emma-Lou
04-09-2005, 18:53
Your scripts are great,you can really get into them.
Please finish it! i really want to know what happens!
Oi! Get your ass on here and post more!.. Please :)
BlackKat
20-10-2005, 19:22
Just a quick note to say I am still here, and I haven't forgotten about this. I have about 1/4 of the final part written. It's taken a while, partly because I've been tied up with other things, namely UCAS and the personal statement from hell, but also because I got a slight case of writer's block. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm trying to make excuses though, cos it really shouldn't be taking this long to update, and I know this.
So I'm really sorry about it, but I am working on it, and though I can't say when it will be finished, I am hoping it'll be soon.
*puppy eyes* Forgive me? :wub:
Don't mind BlackKat. The script is great so I am willing to wait. I know what is like to get stuff piling up. I have to do a practise english paper and finish my work experience letter and I have been ill for 5 days! Can't wait for the last bit
xxx
BlackKat
20-11-2005, 17:07
Part VII
A week since she left, and every morning she wakes up and expects Jake to be beside her. He leaves five messages, ranging from worried to calm to angry. In the third and fourth he sounds drunk, and in the fifth he just says, “I can’t do anything if you won’t even talk to me,” and doesn’t call again.
She thinks she should feel relieved, but doesn’t.
A week since she left and every day it hurts a little more and a little less all at the same time, and every morning she wakes up with an ache somewhere her heart used to be.
**
It’s a week later, 5 pm, when she’s walking up the street and sees him sitting on the doorstep. She pauses for a second then carries on walking.
She does not invite him in, but he closes the door behind him anyway, carries the groceries in. She doesn’t ask how he found her, or why he looked, because he’s always found her, she can stand right next to him, and a thousand miles away at the same time, and he can find her, so why should this time be any different?
It is reassuring, but also daunting. He tethers her, keeps her grounded, but also anchors. They weight each other down.
The baby hangs between them like a ghost.
**
“Are you awake,” he asks from the doorway. It is almost pitch black, the only light from the digits on the clock. She wonders how he got there. Not how he got to the flat, but how he got to the bedroom doorway from the sofa in the living room. Was he lying away, tossing and turning or did he just wake suddenly and feel a need?
She hears him turn to go, she’s left it too long, he thinks she’s sleeping, and she calls out “Jake,” because how could she sleep with him just down the hall. He should be here, she thinks fiercely. She needs him here. She opens her mouth to tell him this, but instead says, “It died.”
“I know,” he whispers, and she wonders what happened in that lost time, between her blacking out and waking up, between a baby and a loss of one, where was she? Did she panic, did she see a face in the dark, floating, leaving. Stay. I can’t.
What else is new?
“Chrissie,” Jake says. “Talk to me. Will you please just talk to me.”
What can she say? He sighs quietly, and murmurs, “I’ll see you in the morning,” and she’s left alone in the dark.
**
Jake makes breakfast in the mornings, but he doesn’t bring it to her in bed. They sit at the table and don’t look at each other. Jake stares at the toast like it’s a bomb, like it’s going to blow up in his face and he doesn’t quite know how to handle it.
Or maybe he’s looking at her, she can’t tell.
“The way I see it,” he says suddenly. “One of two things happen. Either you stay here, or you come back.” He shrugs. “I don’t know what else I can do.”
Like she’s an obligation, a nuisance, an annoyance. Like she’s Danny.
**
She doesn’t know how they got here. It’d be easier if she did. Like if she had a map, she could just retrace their steps and do it better somehow. Do it different.
This is where they are though and this is where they’re stuck.
**
Jake walks her home from the bar, his arm around her waist; he shifts his balance everytime she stumbles. When they get back to the flat he helps her into the bedroom, then sits back on his heels and looks at her.
“I’m not doing this again. You can get home yourself next time.” She looks at him blearily, her heads pounds, she wants to sleep. “I mean it. You do this again, and I’m going.”
She nods. Whatever. Like she cares. Like she asked him to follow her in the first place. She says that aloud, doesn’t mean to.
He bites his lip and he hates herself. “I know you didn’t. I’m not trying to…I just…” He pauses. “I’m trying. I am trying to make this work and I can’t do it if you won’t…” He stands up, looks away. “I’m going back to Walford tomorrow.”
“Good,” Chrissie says. “Good. I don’t need you. I didn’t ask you to come.”
“You’re drunk.”
“No, I mean it. Go back to Walford. Go look Danny up. Go find someone else to be a goddamn martyr to.”
“Fine. If that’s what you want.”
And just once, she wishes he’d do what he wanted to do.
**
“Three questions.” Chrissie says. Jake looks up blearily, kneads the knots out of his neck. She feels guilty that he has to sleep on the sofa. But the only other alternative is her bed, and then she’d feel even guiltier. “Three questions. We get three questions each and we have to answer truthfully. Deal?”
Jake nods slightly, confused.
“I’ll go first. Okay, number one. Why did you leave with Danny?”
“Because he needed me. Because it was the right thing to do.”
“Why did you come back?”
“Because I wanted to. I missed you. I wanted…I wanted a life.”
“And three. Why did you follow me here?”
“To get you to come home.”
Jake’s turn. He pauses, thinks. “What did you think when Den left?”
Chrissie freezes, she doesn’t know what to say…left. Not died, left, and oh god oh god. He doesn’t know. She’s got so used to him knowing everything about her that she’d almost forgotten this. She stumbles…“I thought…that maybe now I’d be free.”
He nods, bites his lip. “What about when you lost the baby?”
“I thought it was the worst thing to happen to us.”
“To you?”
“To us.”
“Oh.” He shrugs. “I can’t think of a third.”
**
Here is the truth. She doesn't know why they can't make this work. She doesn't know why they keep standing in their own way and messing things up and she doesn't know how to make it stop. And she thought maybe a baby could make it happen but it can't. It's not just that her baby died, even though it hurts, and it does hurt because she loves it more than anything. She's on her own now, and Jake can just love her because of the baby and she can't just love him for the same reasons. The only time he told her he loved her he might not even have been talking to her. "It's just you and me now," she thinks when Jake's asleep and she's never been more scared."
**
“Do you love me?”
The train tracks rumble beneath them and they aren’t going home but they aren’t standing still. She doesn’t know where they’ll end up but she thinks she’ll like the journey.
Yes, she thinks and his fingers tighten around hers and she laughs.
The End
See. Told you I'd finish it. :p
Again, mega apologies for how long it took, and I hope it was worth the wait. Feedback is adored.
xKat :D
crazy_purple
20-11-2005, 17:28
I only just noticed this script on the boards and I sat here and read it all - it was absolutely fantastic. You ought to write some stuff and see if it could get published, because your writing's way too good for a humble messageboard. :) I'm going to shut up now :D
Angeldelight
21-11-2005, 16:53
WOW WOW :bow: :bow: :bow:
there aren't the words for how amazing that was... it was just PERFECT...
WOW! that was excellent! Brill! Fab!
Wow! That was amazing! I'm on the verge of tears :)
I hope you do a sequel :D
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